The Quality of Cleveland Life Report


Your guide to living in fabulous Cleveland.

Ellen’s Degenerates: Cuyahoga Council favors moving meetings from 6 p.m. to 3 p.m. President C. Ellen Connally notes, “The fewer members of the public who can attend, the better. Did I say that out loud? Wait. What I meant to say was they’re stupid. Wait ...”

Let Them Eat Bratwurst: Mayor Jackson wants to close Public Square to cars and build a 10-acre greenspace for pedestrians and bicyclists. Additional plans to erect an ol’ fashioned guillotine
nixed by outcry from Occupy Cleveland lawyers.

Lions and Tigers and Rodents...: Ohio establishes hotline (855-DWA-OHIO) and website for reporting dangerous wild animal sightings. Circuits jammed on day one by grandmas calling about squirrels eating from their bird feeders.

This Week's Index: It's sweeps time for local TV news, and Carl Monday's got a masturbation scoop for you.