USPS to Cleveland: "Bite It, You Scum"


The badasses at the U.S. Postal Service are sticking it to the City of East Cleveland by refusing to pay two school-zone speeding citations and five red light violations totaling almost $700.

USPS Senior Litigation Counsel Jennifer S. Breslin sent the city a chilly letter citing the Postal Clause of the U.S. Constitution and the Postal Reorganization Act (whereby Nixon was compelled by Ben Gibbard to replace the Post Office Department with the independently operational Postal Service). The Constitution vests USPS jurisdiction in the executive branch but doesn’t expressly address postal truck drag racing near elementary schools. Breslin reminds the city that “the Postal Service enjoys federal immunity from state and local regulation,” though they do “attempt” to comply “when feasible.” She signs her letter with the closing salutation “Respectfully, Jennifer S. Breslin,” followed by seven metal horns emoticons.

Even better is the 5-page response to Breslin from the attorney for East Cleveland’s traffic camera enforcement company, who relays several examples of legal comeuppance for U.S. Postal workers, including the case of a driver cited for delivering mail naked. Stay tuned for more constitutional punk rock shenanigans from your friendly neighborhood postal worker!