Goose Beheaded in Mentor, Authorities To Investigate

We've all been frustrated and somewhat baffled by minefields of gooseshit before, but Lordy. 

NewsNet5 has reported that a horrible animal abuse incident transpired in Mentor today. A goose was beheaded and then attached to a tree with plastic ties. Local police are stunned — and who could blame them: a goose was beheaded!

It should go without saying that it's the first incident of its kind at the Mentor Lagoons Nature Preserve. 

Mentor police are teaming up with the Ohio Department of Natural Resources to investigate, NewNet5 reports. For now, they're not even sure if the incident occurred in Mentor or if the goose carcass was merely moved to Mentor after the atrocity had been committed elsewhere. 

If the abuser is found, he/she will face a serious misdemeanor charge.