Savage Love: Eat Me

Dear Dan,

I'm a very sex-positive girl and I finally convinced my boyfriend to open up about his fetishes. I could tell he was ashamed and torn about sharing them with me, but I've been with my fair share of guys and surfed the net for years, and I was convinced nothing would shock me. Well, it turns out he's into soft vore. I'm not gonna lie, I was a bit put off, but of course I didn't tell him. I started looking for information about his fetish, and it's not as uncommon as I thought. I stumbled upon many websites for like-minded people, and my understanding of it is that vores really long for intimacy and protection. Is my interpretation correct? Also, after learning about it, I realized it's less extreme than some of the stuff we usually engage in, like heavy BDSM, so I want him to feel fulfilled. Is there any way I can help him "act out" his fetish? He would like to be the eatee.

­— Fully Understanding Lover's Longings

Vore, for readers who aren't familiar with the term, refers to a spectrum of kinks that involve being eaten alive or eating another creature alive. Vore is divided between "soft" and "hard," kind of like BDSM. Soft vore doesn't require simulated bloodshed (it mostly involves fantasies of being swallowed whole), whereas hard vore involves the (imaginary!) ripping of flesh and the (simulated!) shedding of blood. Large creatures capable of swallowing and/or devouring humans are important to this kink, as you'll discover if you do an image search for "vore" on Google. Since most vore fantasies involve creatures that qualify as fantastical beasts, i.e., large and nonexistent beasts (megakinkfauna?), vore fetishists are forced to construct elaborate fantasy narratives, build their own creatures, or seek employment at the Jim Henson Company (where they can sneak in after hours and repurpose vore-scale Muppets) in order to get off.

Before you can determine which way to go — assuming your boyfriend wants to "act out" his fantasies in the first place — you'll have to get more details. Is he into the intimacy and protection aspects of vore? Is it an extension of a mouth and/or pregnancy fetish? Does an interest in bondage factor in? Learning more about what gets him going — besides the whole being eaten alive thing — is the first step.

Once you know exactly what turns him on, begin your explorations with role-play and dirty talk. Ramping things up slowly is always a good idea with varsity-level kinks, so try sexting each other and/or creating dirty vore stories together over email. If your boyfriend wants to get physical, start with mouthy things like biting, licking, sucking, etc., combined with dirty talk about digesty things like chewing, swallowing, gastric juicing, etc. If everything goes well, you try to bring his fantasies to life using props, costumes, and stage blood. Try zipping him up in a sleeping bag to simulate being in a stomach — filling it with a gooey liquid will make it feel more like the inside of some fantastical beast — but be careful not to smother him if you do "full enclosure." (Smothering someone to death, intentionally or unintentionally, is bad. #TheMoreYouKnow)

Finally, I want to commend you for not freaking out when your boyfriend shared his kink. You listened calmly, you did research, and you gave it some thought. For that, I'm upgrading your GGG card to platinum.