Josh Gordon | Anyone lighting up a bong or joint in the next two weeks can claim to be Josh Gordon, but if you want to put in just a little extra effort, grab a polo and a name tag and be Car Salesman Josh. Or don't do anything and just smoke a lot of weed.
Public Square | Get into the spirit of downtown revitalization and celebrate with everyone's favorite place to wait for a bus. Just grab a magic marker and write on your body: KeyBank Memorial Left Arm, Cleveland Foundation Centennial Abdomen, Gund Foundation Grundle, Greater Cleveland Partnership Left Ear, etc.
The Chandelier | While we're not entirely sure how to pull this one off — Christmas Lights? Fake jewels hung and taped like Christmas ornaments? — we do think the chandelier (have you heard we have one, by the way?) would be a fun excuse to look fabulous. Dazzle the... well, you see where that one might go.
Columbus Rd. Bridge | To continue the inanimate object series: Walk around with boxes of Viagra and a sandwich board inscribed with, "I haven't been able to get it up since 2012."
Randy From A Christmas Story | One of two versions apply here: Either grab an adult flannel onesie and be Christmas morning Randy or get a snowsuit and wear enough undershirts that you can't move. (The latter, of course, feels like a very sweaty and cumbersome option for a few laughs. A onesie, meanwhile, is gonna make going to the bathroom weird. Just a heads up.)
Carl Monday | Old and cliché? Sure, but so is Carl himself, and a new batch of masturbators are out there waiting to be busted. And who better than you, in a cheap sport coat and a fake microphone and a dashing mustache, to open random doors without knocking to see what sort of mischief people are trying to hide from the public eye.
