Thursday | 04
R-Rated Raunch at Hilarities
Consider yourself warned: Australian comedian Jim Jeffries' humor is not for the faint of heart. He's vulgar, raunchy, controversial — and absolutely hilarious. His brutal takes on religion, drinking, and sex have earned him comparisons to George Carlin — and helped him sell out shows worldwide, including the Just for Laughs Comedy Festival in Canada and the Edinburgh Comedy Festival in Scotland. Americans may know him best from his comedy specials: HBO's Jim Jeffries: I Swear to God and Showtime's Alcoholocaust. And you can get to know him better still during this weekend's string of appearances at Hilarities. The R-rated shows promise to reveal Jeffries at his worst — which also happens to be his best. Tix to tonight's 8 p.m. show are $18. Snag them online at pickwickandfrolic.com or call 216-736-4242. Hilarities is at 2035 East Fourth St. — Max Hayden
Girls, Girls, Girls
Burlesque Fest Comes to Town
Conceived as an homage to the Roxy burlesque house that once stood on East Ninth Street, the inaugural Ohio Burlesque Fest has drawn beauties from around the country, including St. Louis headliner Lola Van Ella (a.k.a. "the derriere beyond compare"). Also on the bill for this weekend's fan-dancing fest: Naughy Natanya from Chicago, Goldie Glitteratti from Fort Wayne, Elizabeth Couteau from Pittsburgh, and Bella Sin, the local force behind what she hopes will become an annual event. "People are going to be blown away by the performers," says Sin. "They are a true delight." Today's kick-off features a free 9 p.m. dance party at Twist Social Club (11633 Clifton Blvd.) with DJ Saint. The main event happens tomorrow at 9 p.m. at the Beachland (15711 Waterloo Rd.); tickets are $10 in advance or $15 at the door. For a full schedule and to purchase tickets, check out ohioburlesque.weebly.com. — Kelly Maile
King Kong Roars Into the Palace
King Kong kicks off the 14th Annual Cinema at the Square series tonight at the Palace Theatre. No, it's not Peter Jackson's sparkly CGI remake. We're talking about the raw 1933 classic. Kong will be thrashing about on the largest non-IMAX screen in Ohio, and you're welcome to snack on popcorn, candy, and even crack open a beer as you immerse yourself in one of filmdom's finest. Cinémathèque founder John Ewing will be introducing the movie. "Anyone who appreciates film will definitely want to hear Ewing speak," says marketing director Tom Serago. "He's a great guy and has had a huge impact on Cleveland cinema throughout the years." The curtain rises on the great ape tonight at 7:30 p.m. at 1615 Euclid Ave. Tickets are $5. The series continues with 15 additional flicks through August 21. Call 216-241-6000 or visit playhousesquare.org for tickets and more information. — Phil Barnes
The Numbers Band Makes It Count
The Akron Art Museum continues its summer tradition of free Thursday-night concerts with tonight's performance by the Numbers Band. Going on 30, the local fave is still putting out that familiar blues-rock oddness that has become their calling card. Frontman Robert Kidney has been called a Mel Torme/Jim Morrison hybrid, and the band's wholly original sound only benefits from the juxtaposition. The show goes from 6:30 to 8:30 p.m. with a break at 7:30 p.m. for an indoor art talk. Drinks and snacks will be available and exhibits will be open until 9 p.m. Parking is free after 6 in the lot across the street from the museum, which is at 1 South High St.; visit akronartmuseum.org or call 330-376-9185. — Ryan Young
Friday | 05
Vintage Ohio Returns to Lake Farmpark
A Time for Wine
The Vintage Ohio Wine Festival has been showcasing Ohio's wineries for the past 17 years, gaining a spot on most foodies' "don't miss" list in the process. And why not? "Sip a little, shop a little, enjoy some good food, and listen to terrific music," is the way Donniella Winchell sums it up, and as executive director for the sponsoring Ohio Wine Producers Association, she should know. Twenty-four Ohio wineries are represented at this year's fest, each pouring samples of their very best work. Also on hand, nearly two dozen food vendors, including StrEat Mobile Bistro, Umami Moto, and Zydeco Bistro. Of course, a favorite pastime is drunken shopping: Once you're feeling, um, relaxed, check out the array of artisans selling candles, corks, decorative bottles, jewelry, and other crafty non-essentials. And be sure to stick around for tonight's fireworks spectacular. It all happens at the bucolic Lake Farmpark today and tomorrow from 1 to 10 p.m. Tickets are $25 in advance or $27 at the gate; designated drivers get in for $10. For tickets and more information, call 800-227-6972 or go to visitvintageohio.com. Lake Farmpark is at 8800 Euclid Chardon Rd. in Kirtland. — Courtney Kerrigan Summer Fest
It's a Fiber Fling in Peninsula
Who needs Anthropologie when you can make your own clothes? Fiber Café artists show you how this weekend at the Crooked River Fiber Fling, happening in venues in and around Peninsula. Tonight's events include a 6 p.m. Wearable Art Show and Sale at the Days Inn Ballroom in Richfield. Saturday and Sunday bring an array of family activities between 10 a.m. and 5 p.m., including mini-workshops, make-it-and-take-it projects, and a tie-dye T-shirt station. Jump on the Cuyahoga Valley Scenic Railroad Fiber Car for free demos focused on fiber. Or head to Heritage Farms and the Spicy Lamb Farm to see visiting alpacas, llamas, sheep, goats, and angora rabbits. And, of course, don't forget to shop for fiber arts objects inside the historic Boston Township Hall and the nearby G.A.R. Hall. Tickets for the fashion show are $20 (or $45 for the show and dinner) and can be purchased by calling the Art Academy at 330-657-2248. For train reservations, visit cvsr.com; for a schedule and addresses of all participating venues, visit fibercafe.org. — Kerrigan
Music & More
Twilight at the Zoo
It's time again for the best music festival of the summer: Twilight at the Zoo, held in one of the region's most exotic locations. The evening includes hors d'oeuvres, plentiful adult beverages, and live music from 17 of the city's hottest bands — all spread out among the beautiful grounds of the Cleveland Metroparks Zoo. And just so you know it'll be good, it's all presented by this very rag, for the benefit of the Cleveland Zoo Society. The fun runs from 7 p.m. to midnight. Tickets are $75 at clevelandzoosociety.org or by phone at 216-661-6500. But hurry: VIP tickets have already sold out. Twilight is for 21 and over, please. The zoo is at 3900 Wildlife Way. — Hayden
Stan Hywet Hall
Dancing Under the Stars
Here's the scene: lush gardens, a beautiful date, and a starry night. Now add some swing and big-band music and you'll find yourself Dancing Under the Stars at Stan Hywet Hall & Gardens in Akron. The night kicks off at 7:30 with a free swing dance lesson. At 8 p.m., the Dave Banks Big Band — 17 members strong — will lay down the swing, jazz, and big-band music beneath a canopy of stars in the manor's Great Meadow. Meantime, small plates and an assortment of beverages will be available for those wishing to round out their high-school dance experience. Tickets are $35, and less for members. Buy 'em at stanhywet.org or by calling 330-315-3287. Stan Hywet Hall & Gardens is at 714 North Portage Path in Akron. — Hayden
Saturday | 06
Enshrinement Day in Canton
Canton is not going to let one canceled football game ruin its biggest bash of the year. Saturday's event lineup is as entertaining as ever. The morning starts off at 8 sharp with the Timken Grand Parade: Marching bands, pageant queens, and a giant floating SpongeBob will escort dozens of NFL legends down Cleveland Avenue. At noon, grab your wallet and head to the Pro Football Hall of Fame for the chance to have your favorite jerseys inked by former pros like Marshall Faulk and John Elway. A pre-enshrinement party happens from 4 to 6 p.m. with beer, BBQ, and music. And the enshrinement ceremony caps it all off at 7 p.m., when fans will fill Fawcett Stadium to honor the newest Hall of Fame members. Communications manager Pete Fierle expects nearly 50 past NFL stars to attend. "During the ceremony, it's very humbling for the enshrinee to see all these fans and legends from all over the country. For a football fan, there's really nothing better." Tickets are required for most events. Get them at profootballhof.com, where you will also find a complete events schedule. The Pro Football Hall of Fame is at 2121 George Halas Dr. N.W. in Canton. — Barnes
Krusty Turns 20!
Thousands of visitors every week need no particular reason to get their drink on and bask in the sun and fun of Whiskey Island. This week you have a very good reason to do it: The annual Krusty's Summer Sauce Camp rolls into Whiskey Island Marina today. Now in its 20th year, the fest was established to support Malachi House, an Ohio City home for the terminally ill and indigent. Don't ask us who Krusty is — just point us to the all-you-can-eat grub and all-you-can-chug beverages that your $60 ticket provides. The live soundtrack will be served up by Chris Allen & the Lonesome Stars, Carlos Jones, and others. For tickets and a chance to save 10 bucks off the Saturday price, call 440-734-7790. The 21-and-over fun commences at noon on Whiskey Island, accessible off State Route 2 just west of downtown. — Erich Burnett
In the Swim
Huntington Beach Party
It's August now, and you're probably wondering where summer went. Make up for lost time tonight at Huntington Beach in Bay Village during the Cleveland Metroparks Summer Beach Party. Not only is this a free event on the shores of our beloved lake, it packs in some of the best parts of summer. From 5 to 8 p.m., you can play all kinds of beach games and even win some prizes. If you'd rather just relax, you're free to stroll the beach, enjoy a steel drum show and a sand sculptor, and take in fishing, kayaking, and diving demonstrations. Musical Mark will provide entertainment beginning at 8. At 8:45, spread out a blanket for a lakeside showing of Free Willy. Bring a picnic or purchase food from Big Event Catering. To participate in games you'll have to register one day in advance; otherwise, drop-ins are welcome; call 216-635-3200 or visit clevelandmetroparks.com. — Lydia Munnell
Salute Our Vets in University Circle
Head over to the intersection of East 108th Street and Magnolia Drive in University Circle today from 11 a.m. to 5 p.m. for an all-American salute to our veterans. It's the annual University Circle Community Festival and Rib Burn-off presented by Mt. Zion Congregational Church, the V.A. Medical Center, the Western Reserve Historical Society, the Museum of Natural History, and University Circle Inc. We're talking live music, classic cars, entertainment by local kids, community history, a tribute to our men and women in uniform, and lots and lots of barbecue. Stop by and talk to historical society representatives armed with free passes to the society's history and genealogy centers, as well as the library and archives. It's all free, including parking in the Historical Society's adjacent lot. For a complete rundown of activities and venues, visit wrhs.org or call 216-721-5722. — Munnell
Time Warp. Again.
Rocky Horror Comes To Life in Chagrin Falls
Looking for a reason to slip out of the house and into some fishnets? You've found it: Tonight only, the Chagrin Valley Little Theatre is putting on a live midnight performance of the Rocky Horror Show. It's a risky step to the left for an 82-year-old company better known for more traditional fare. But tonight's "no one under 14" stipulation should send a message that this isn't your granny's community theater. "We're doing the show because of the message it carries: Don't just dream it, be it," says director Greta Rothman. Primetime performances continue through August 20. Costumes are encouraged, but leave the toast and newspapers at home. "You can see the movie anytime," says Rothman "but you can't always be a part of something real." The show will set you back $18 ($14 for college students and seniors). Get tix at CVLT.org or call 440-247-8955. The theater is at 40 River St. in Chagrin Falls. — Young
A Tri for the Tykes
Get the kids off the couch and onto the race course this morning for the Greater Cleveland Youth Triathlon in Mentor. More than 150 youngsters ages 7 to 14 will gather at Headlands Beach to compete in a shortened version of the grown-ups' Greater Cleveland Triathlon, which will be held tomorrow. Two different groupings separate "teens" from "tweens" to make things fair, and everyone goes home with a T-shirt and a slick pair of Boston Bill sunglasses. "It's so important for the kids to get out there and compete instead of sitting at home with their computers and PlayStations," says coordinator Mickey Rzymek. Bring $35 to 9601 Headlands Rd. for race-day registration. Both youth age groups will start at 8 a.m., and all participants must have a USAT membership to race. (Snag one for $5 at usatriathlon.org.) For more race info, call 330-686-0993 or visit ncmultisports.com. — Barnes
Sunday | 07
Legendary Bluesman Plays Lakewood Library
Legendary blues harmonica player Wallace Coleman traveled the world with the late, great Robert Lockwood Jr., and he later made musical waves of his own with his Wallace Coleman Band. But today he is home in Cleveland to give a free performance at the Lakewood Public Library. His is a rare talent, steeped in Chicago-style electric blues and inspired by the likes of Howlin' Wolf, Muddy Waters, and Sonny Boy Williamson. A self-taught musician, he spent decades honing his chops during breaks from work at the former Hough Bakery; yet he never played in public until the age of 51. You can catch him today at 2 p.m. — along with bandmates Rockin' Robin and DC Carnes — in the library's Main Auditorium. Tickets are not required. The Lakewood Public Library is at 15425 Detroit Ave.; call 216-226-8275 or visit lkwdpl.org. — Maile
Party in the Warehouse District
Don't plan on driving down West Sixth today: Stilt walkers, fashionable dogs, and thousands of people will be hogging the pavement from noon to 8 p.m. for the Seventh Annual Warehouse District Street Festival. Stretching from Frankfort to Lakeside, this strollable bash has everything from magicians and mimes to a new Chalk Play area. For musical entertainment, you'll find local bands belting out blues, jazz, reggae, and classic American rock. Or check out the architectural tours of the 'hood, and the open houses at area condos. Just be sure to bring an appetite: Popular district restaurants will be selling their food from tents right on the street. Also on the bill: a cornhole tournament, an art show and sale, and Cleveland's Cutest Dog Contest and Fashion Show. Admission is free, and parking is $2 at the AMPCO lot between West Sixth and West Ninth. For more info, call the Warehouse District at 216-344-3937 or visit warehousedistrict.org. — Kerrigan
Monday | 08
Fun for All in Berea
Life sure has changed since 1893, back when the first Cuyahoga County Fair was held. Beginning today and continuing through Sunday, August 14, you can pay your respects to the good ol' days with retro faves like elephants ears, lemonade, and livestock, or with new-school fun like amusement rides, the world's largest demolition derby, and live country and rock concerts. Also on the schedule: fireworks, a haunted house, harness racing, and arts & crafts displays. "There really is something for everyone," says spokeswoman Candyce Traci, "no matter what your age or your interests." The fair opens today at 5 p.m.; bring one non-perishable food item and get in for one buck. Otherwise, general admission is $6, or less for seniors, children, and active military members. And while events like the concerts and demolition derby carry additional charges, parking is free in lots surrounding the fairgrounds, at 164 Eastland Rd. in Berea. For more information, call 440-243-0090 or go to cuyfair.com, where you'll find a complete schedule of daily events. — Hayden
Tuesday | 09
Classics in the Garden
Here's a way to slip a mellow note into your hectic workweek: Relax among the beautiful blossoms of Holden Arboretum as Jacqueline Black and Erik Mann of the Cleveland Institute of Music play Spanish and Latin-American compositions for cello and guitar. Picnics, blankets, and lawn chairs are welcome, and the entertainment won't set you back a penny. Gates open at 6 p.m., and the concert begins at 6:30. Find the arboretum at 9500 Sperry Rd. in Kirtland. For more info, call 440-946-4400 or go to holdenarb.org. — Elaine T. Cicora
Back to School
Free Cuts for Kids
It's almost time for the back-to-school set to get down to business: tackling the summer reading list, digging out the backpack, and trimming away the summer locks. Happily, the experts at Remington College's cosmetology program are standing by: Today through August 20, the salon is offering free haircuts for kids ages 17 and younger. "Back-to-school expenses can really add up, especially during these tough economic times," says Cleveland campus president Patrick Resetar. "This is a way for parents to save some money and help the kids look their best." The salon is open Tuesdays through Saturdays at 14801 Broadway Ave. Snag an appointment at 216-584-2490 or walk right in. — Cicora
Wednesday | 10
Farm Fresh in Shaker
"It's about getting local food into the community and getting the community into local food," says Stephanie Allen, associate pastor at the First Baptist Church and founder of Shaker Heights' recently launched farmers market. It all happens today from 4 to 7 p.m. in the church parking lot. There you'll spot growers like Blue Pike Farm and New Creation Farm, as well as vendors with vegan products, baked goods, pastas, and ethnic cuisine. And if all that farm-to-fork bounty makes you hungry, stick around for the $5 dinner created from food sourced right from the market's stands. The market continues every Wednesday afternoon. The church is at 3630 Fairmount Blvd.; visit firstbaptistcleveland.org. — Munnell
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