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I Loathe the '80s! 

Keep the '80s where they belong -- in the frigging '80s.

About 10 years ago, we were close enough to the '80s that acid-washed jeans still made us dry heave. Zubaz, Reaganism, crack cocaine -- the '80s were to the 20th century what Joe Charboneau was to Indians: a total fucking letdown.

But around the turn of the century, nostalgia overwhelmed good taste. Now we seem stuck in an '80s K-hole. Soft Cell's "Tainted Love" is on constant repeat. VH1 has spent six months of programming celebrating our youthful mistakes. Hell, even Madonna is flashdancing in a leotard again.

Even worse are the supposedly "new" bands that do nothing but rehash '80s music. Take the band VHS or Beta. Not only is it a bad Cure imitation, but it also coyly reminds us how shitty our options were when "Just Like Heaven" was a hit.

Then there's the long list of New Order carbon copies, including the Shout Out Louds, She Wants Revenge, and Clap Your Hands Say Yeah. After listening to this crap, I'd prefer to Curl Up in the Fetal Position and Die.

Still, no '80s wannabes are worse than the Bravery, which embodies all the great mistakes of the decade: the hair, the poorly placed eyeliner, the fake leather, and Duran Duran.

If all you guys like the '80s so much, fine -- but then go play with your My Little Ponies and shut the fuck up!

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