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I'm Not a Terrorist, Biatch! 

Whiny wit gives airport security a few choice words.

Yeah, he's glad he's big (his act is big enough?) enough to have to travel far and wide for gigs. But Boston-born comic Bill Burr would rather stay home in his adopted L.A. than endure another strip search at airport terminals. He's done that dance so much, he's convinced that Homeland Security has botched the country's war on terror by making him empty his wallet, open his suitcase, and take off his shoes. "They're back to the same eight-dollar-an-hour morons that they had before 9/11," says Burr. "I go through airport security, and I realize how expendable I am as an individual."After a three-year absence from Cleveland's stages, the Comedy Central and HBO regular breaks into his shtick at Hilarities tonight to help peddle his first-ever CD, Emotionally Unavailable. The 75-minute disc spotlights live Philadelphia and Houston shows from his 2004 I'm Rich, Biatch tour. Between cracks on midgets, hookers, and Oprah, Burr takes aim at the uselessness of the digital age. "I want to learn how to hunt and kill an animal. I want to learn how to start a fire without a match," says Burr. "I really don't think Windows 2020 is going to be something I'll ever need at the rate we're going." The bitchfest starts at 8 and 10:45 tonight, and 7:30 p.m. tomorrow at Hilarities, 2035 East Fourth Street. Tickets are $15 to $23. Call 216-736-4242 or visit
Sat., Dec. 15, 8 & 10:45 p.m.; Sun., Dec. 16, 7:30 p.m., 2007

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