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R. Kelly 

Monday, April 24, at the Allen Theatre.

The latest tidbit to emerge from R. Kelly's thickening legal portfolio might be the most unsavory yet: According to an interview Kelly's brother Carey gave MTV last month, the R&B superstar offered to pay Carey $50,000 to admit that it was he -- not R. -- who committed sexual indiscretions with an underage girl on a grainy videotape that surfaced more than four years ago. Is it just us, or does this sound exactly like something you'd hear in a future installment of Kelly's extended "Trapped in the Closet" serial?

Perhaps the thirst for inspiration is what's driving the singer these days: Once you've exhausted every possible metaphor for sexual intercourse known to man (and even a few unknown to man), you have to look elsewhere for material. Kelly would make a fine crime dramatist; his ear for detail neatly complements his natural propensity for hysterical soap opera. "Trapped in the Forensic Lab," anyone?

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