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Savage Love: Pedestrian AF 

First let me say that I think you give excellent advice, even if it is a bit pedestrian at times. I have a small problem: Last fall, my penis bent up and to the left at an almost 90 degree angle. I know from Google that this is not an unusual problem. And at 59, I am thankful that things are working as well as they are. But I fly gliders, and the relief system is a "Texas catheter" with a drain line to outside the glider. I believe that the bending on my penis may be the result of trauma caused by removing the catheter. In your many years of dealing with penis problems — I know you are not a urologist, but still — have you run across problems of a similar nature? Is there a way to remove adhesive from the penis that will not cause trauma? I dread further damaging my member.

— Hanging Under Nice Glider

First let me say thank you for the qualified compliment — you sure know how to flatter a girl — and I'll try to keep my trademark excellent-if-pedestrian advice coming, HUNG. Also, you're right, I'm not a urologist. But Dr. Keith Newman is. He's also a fellow of the American College of Surgeons and my go-to guy for dick-related medical questions.

"It is not likely that HUNG's drainage system caused the problem," said Dr. Newman. "His condition sounds like Peyronie's disease, a possibly autoimmune disease thought to be related to microtrauma."

Men with Peyronie's disease come down with, well, bent dicks. Sometimes the bend is slight and doesn't interfere with reasonable penile functions. Sometimes the bend is severe enough to make erections painful and intercourse impossible.

"Most sufferers will return to within 10 to 20 percent of their baseline curvature within two years without intervention," said Dr. Newman. "Thus, it is considered best to defer therapy until such time has elapsed. Ninety degrees is quite a big bend, however, and less likely to resolve spontaneously, but it's still worth waiting."

There are treatment options.

"The only real therapies are Xiaflex injections and surgical repair," said Dr. Newman. "The former is not approved for patients less than two years from diagnosis or with less than 35 degrees of curvature. The latter is fraught with increased complication rates due to scarring so near the tip. Both can straighten the penis, but at a cost of length in many cases. As for drainage alternatives while gliding, I suggest the following product: freedom.mensliberty.com."

I'm a 37-year-old male. I've been with my wife for 15 years. I know that passion transitions in a long-term relationship, but I'm having a hard time finishing lately. Yes, I'm on SSRIs — antidepressants — but that has only exacerbated the issue. We all know that a lot of people who own a vagina enjoy foreplay to help the orgasms along. Will foreplay help people who own a penis get to the moment faster? I'm pretty sure I know the answer, and I figured you're the one to ask what the best foreplay options are because your sexual knowledge is vast and you regularly deal with two penises at a time. As someone who pleasures a penis and who has a penis that is pleasured, what is the best preparation to get guys off before the insertion happens?

— Seeking Weapons Of Male Penile Satisfaction

Foreplay isn't just for vagina-havers, SWOMPS! Penis-havers have nerve endings all over their bodies — inside 'em, too — and older men and/or men taking SSRIs often benefit from additional forms of stimulation. Like tit play. I know some men can't go there because that tit-play shit — like feelings, musicals, and voting for women — could turn you gay. But if you're up for it, have the wife play with or even clamp your tits, and then shove a plug in your ass that stimulates your prostate while also remembering to engage what's often called "the largest sex organ": your brainz. Talk dirty to each other! If you're already proficient at JV dirty talk, move on to varsity dirty talk: Talk about your fantasies, awesome experiences you've had in the past, things you'd like to try or try again with your partner. To push past those SSRIs, fire on all cylinders (tits, hole, brain, mouth, and cock) before and during insertion.

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