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The Lady Wears a Mouth Guard 

Don't mess with these gals. They mean business on the rink.

The Burning River Roller Girls aren't like the roller-derby queens your mom used to watch on TV 25 years ago. Just ask Ursula "MILFinator" Allison, as the four-squad league starts its sophomore season today in North Olmsted. "I pretty much feel like I was in a car accident after a bout," she says. "Recovering takes two to three days." The object of a match is fairly simple: Two teams of five skaters each roll on an oval track. Four members of a team make up "the pack," while two opposing skaters, or jammers, try to plow through the blockers to score points without getting knocked over or out of bounds. "It's real fast-paced, and the girls do get hurt," says Allison, who co-owns the Garage Bar in Ohio City with her husband. "I just want to get there and kick some ass." The season starts at 3 p.m. today at the North Olmsted Soccer Sportsplex, 31515 Lorain Road in North Olmsted. Tickets are $10 in advance and $15 at the door. Visit for details.
Sun., April 6, 3 p.m., 2008

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