Ground Control to Optimus Prime

There aren't too many movies as loud and obnoxious as 2009's Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen. Thankfully, the third outing in the hit series scales back a bit, even as it expands (it's in 3-D and runs more than two and a half hours – yeesh!).

This time there's a little history thrown into the big-ass-robots mix. Did you know that the Apollo 11 crew found a crashed spaceship on the moon? And did you know there was a conspiracy to keep it quiet? That's the silly premise that sets up Transformers: Dark of the Moon. But that's not the worst part of the movie. That honor goes to Shia LaBeouf, the autobots' best human friend and quite possibly the most unlikable action hero ever to appear onscreen.

There's also a mess of a plot involving a long-lost Transformer, a secret weapon, Buzz Aldrin (yes, the astronaut), and – why not? – Russians. Of course it all comes down to giant hunks of metal beating the gears out of each other. Of course some of it's kinda cool. And of course it will leave you with a splitting headache. --Michael Gallucci