Aerosmith

Back so soon? Aerosmith last brought its Gin 'n' Geritol act to town a whole five months ago, aurally turfing Blossom's pristine lawn with boneheaded power-ballad furor -- "I Don't Wanna Miss a Thing,' "Amazin'," etc. -- and an anemic, dinosaur-rock "new record" (Just Push Play) to promote. Fans wailed, critics moaned, roadies shagged, end of story.

Not quite. Aerosmith is back. This presents quite a conundrum for the diehard Smittie fans, who dropped serious dime on the Beantown Boneheads not half a year ago. Does this tour merit a repeat viewing?

Perhaps. It all depends on the songs. Trot out the ballads and pimp the crap-ass new record, and furniture will be robustly thrown. To avoid such a debacle, Scene humbly submits a proposed Aerosmith set list for this particular engagement, designed with the beleaguered longtime fan in mind:
"Love in an Elevator"
"Toys in the Attic"
"Dude Looks Like a Lady"
"Angel"
"Walk This Way" (guest appearance by Kool Keith)
"Same Old Song and Dance"
"Janie's Got a Gun"
"Rag Doll"
"Angel"
"Big Bottom" (Spinal Tap cover; tell me you would not enjoy this)
"Mama Kin"
"Livin' on the Edge"
"Come Together" (dedicated to George, the quiet Beatle, and Paul, the moron Beatle)
"The Other Side"
"Angel"
(encore)
"What It Takes"
"Back in the Saddle"
"Sweet Emotion"
"Dream On"
"Angel"
Anything else is the same old song and dance, fuckers.