With much hoopla, Epic officially released Apple's third album recently. But we believe that we -- along with everyone else who cares the least bit about Fiona Apple -- already heard this album last spring. So you brought in a new producer for this release and ditched Jon Brion. But we have a name for that: a remix album! Epic knows that we know about the advance version -- Scene even reviewed the leaked album in April. Yet the label treats us as if it were a Lothario caught in another's embrace: Whom will you believe -- the betrayer, or your lying eyes?
Epic, you cannot pretend that internet file-sharing does not exist. May all your bad decisions come back to haunt you, and may all your albums leak. This is the fatwa as we have pronounced it! It is written.