Something Corporate

With New Found Glory, Finch, and Further Seems Forever. Saturday, October 26, at the Agora Theatre.

Imperial Teen, with Welcome to Waveland The Grog Shop, 1765 Coventry Road, Cleveland Heights 9 p.m. Sunday, October 27, $8, 216-321-5588.
Something Corporate
Something Corporate
Something Corporate writes piano-humping power ballads so gooey, giant wheels of cheese rain down on concertgoers during live performances. Without warning or provocation, a comically oversized block of Gouda can knock you unconscious as you stand transfixed by what is, in essence, the ultimate high school loser revenge fantasy.

Observe: nerdy chump -- forced into piano lessons by his parents and forced into garbage cans and swirling toilets by surly class bullies -- forms an ostensibly "punk" band to back up his little slices of Elton John ennui. He thumbs his nose at the bullies ("If You C Jordan"), ditches his folks for life on the road ("I Woke Up in a Car"), and casts about for his very own "Punk Rock Princess." That these guys actually played the Warped Tour is hilarious. The band's big-shot debut, Leaving Through the Window, basically rehashes Bryan Adams for the flaming-toilet-paper-tossing miscreant punk rock set. It's what discerning Anti-Flag fans throw on when they want to get sensitive, or laid. It contains not a lick of masculinity or punk ferocity. It's also great, designed for gleeful bus-ride sing-alongs similar to that "Tiny Dancer" scene in Almost Famous. Something Corporate just swapped chicken suits for baggy pants. Wouldn't you?

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