Say what you will about Cleveland, but we have some of the most entertaining bums around. Last Sunday, for instance, while dining at the Subway at East 9th Street and Superior Avenue, I was treated to a homeless adaptation of King Arthur.
It began as what seemed like a peaceful disagreement between bums. One man was sitting on the steps of a church when another man walked up carrying an umbrella. The two began arguing – over what I could not tell. But honor was obviously at stake. Suddenly, the man with the umbrella jumped back into a fighting stance, holding his umbrella like a lance, and jabbing the air. The other man stepped back with his arms up, pleading for mercy. I had gone to Subway looking for a club sandwich, and found myself smack in the middle of a bum sword fight.
Just as I was reaching for my cell phone to capture my first live umbrella impaling, a nice, well-dressed family on their way to the Browns game walked past, doing their best to pretend that, just feet away, there wasn’t a crazy bum trying to kill another man with an umbrella. Fortunately, the bum laid down his weapon with no casualties being inflicted. The police arrived on scene shortly afterward.
And this, loyal C-Notes readers, is why people move to the suburbs. -- Jared Klaus