Dennis Kucinich is gaining ground, says Dennis Kucinich

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Dennis Kucinich at the US Congress Halloween Bash, 2005.
Dennis Kucinich -- Cleveland-area congressman, presidential aspirant, and part-time Stitich impersonator -- is creeping up in the polls and closing in on front-runners Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton, according to some information that’s not remotely true but, lucky for us, appears credible enough to make fun of. This press release, released by Kucinich this week, makes the claim that Kucinich is making up substantial ground, and living up to his self-given moniker, “the Seabiscuit of the field.” (Editor’s note: Really? Seabuiscit? ‘Cause we would’ve gone with Barbaro, or some other crippled one-trick pony that was eventually, mercifully, put out of its God damn misery). Upon what, you ask, have they based this crack-pipe dream? It turns out that, in an online poll asking who won Sunday’s Democratic presidential forum, Kucinich got more votes than any other other candidate. Not a scientific poll, or a phone poll, or a poll of four guys sitting at the Red Rose at 11 a.m. the next morning. An online poll. As in, the kind of poll where anybody with a computer can click on a candidate, clear his cookies, and vote again and again and again, no questions asked. (Although it would be cool if the computer did chime in with some questions: Kucinich? Are you sure, man?) With candidates gearing up for the caucuses, now’s the time for them to enlist their army of flaks, to twist and manipulate every nugget of information, making themselves appear favorable – or, in Kucinich’s case, remotely viable. For him, it appears, it doesn’t matter how little the morsel, since he’s on the ground picking up crumbs anyway. – TK Kim
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