Dick Feagler: White People are Pussies Compared to Back in My Day

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Today's topic: A gang of black youths beat a white lawyer in Shaker Heights… I was at the coffee shop, and the guys all agree: White people just don’t have any balls like they did in my day. Why, back in my day, when the blacks started moving into our neighborhoods, we simply packed up and left. If they wanted to drink grape pop in the middle of the street, we didn’t call it a “cultural difference.” We called it bullshit and moved to Mentor. And we didn’t feel bad about it either. See, back in my day, there was no such thing as this white guilt, like they have today. If we had guilt, it was about real stuff, like spying on your sister when she got dressed, or getting your paw under Mary Lou Bilanski’s sweater. And if some lawyer from Shaker needed a random beating, we did it ourselves, instead of waiting for a pack of negroes to do it. And if we stole, we didn’t steal it from some lawyer out for a walk. We did it the right way, by running for City Council or getting on the board of a Teamsters local. Then we went shopping at Higbees, or maybe to the soda fountain with Mary Lou. And back in my day, we didn’t care if those savages killed each other, as long as they did it in their own neighborhoods, not in Bay Village, where me and the guys have coffee. And we didn’t do it wearing big jewelry like they have today. Why, back in my day, only trophy wives wore big jewelry. The rest of us just wore senior class rings and a nice Timex, which could take a lickin’ and keep on tickin’… This has been another deep insight from Dick Feagler. We now return to our regularly scheduled programming...

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