Free chicken!

Officials expect a big turnout for the early-morning meeting of The Pathetic Losers Club, scheduled to take place in the parking lot at 4779 Great Northern Blvd. in North Olmsted, on Thursday, Dec. 14. Plenty of fun workshops are on tap, including Picking the Right Gift for Your Cat, and Fifty Sure-Fire Tips for Avoiding Paid Employment. But the high point is bound to be the opportunity to stand in line, outdoors, for up to 24 hours, to help celebrate the grand opening of the brand new, North Olmsted Chick-fil-A and maybe — just maybe! — score coupons for free chicken! According to inside sources, the first 100 club members in line will receive 52 coupons each — a full year's supply of Chick-fil-A Combo Meals! "We've given away more than $4.2 million in free Chick-fil-A food since we launched the 'First 100 Fans' promotion in 2003 to celebrate each grand opening," said Dan Cathy, Chick-fil-A president and son of the chain's founder, via a very neatly printed press release. "It's our way of thanking our raving (his word, not ours) fans who have supported Chick-fil-A and who continue to show their devotion by camping out in all kinds of weather conditions year-round, all across the country." The coupons will be distributed between 6 and 6:30 a.m., so make plans now -- by which we mean, tell your mom she's gonna have to get up real early, and drive you. -- Elaine T. Cicora
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