Friday Cheers & Jeers

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If these seals weren't so lazy, they'd just move to someplace where nobody has a club.
Cheers: To cute and furry kittens, Mrs. T’s pierogies, and snowplow drivers who work around the clock to make our streets safe and clear, except in Cleveland. Jeers: To those kids who beat up that guy in Shaker Heights. Not only is beating guys bad, but it’s against the rule of law! Those youngsters deserve a time out! Cheers: To Grandmas! They’re always knitting socks, and have a deft hand with casseroles, making our world just a little brighter! Jeers: To sad people. Turn that frown upside down! You’re totally bumming us out! Cheers: To Father John at St. Elizabeth's. That really was a swell homily, and your new hairdo rocks! Jeers: To vulcan death grips, which can really hurt and are totally inappropriate in the classroom. Cheers: To people who use turn signals! Politeness never goes out of style! Jeers: To people who don’t use turn signals. What? Are you like a bird with a sore wing who can’t lift his arm? And while you’re at it, quit driving so slow in the left lane and talking on your cell phone. Think about it: Nobody really wants to hear what you have to say. Cheers: To Friday fish fries! But can’t anyone figure out how to put two things of tartar sauce on the plate? One is never enough! Jeers: To baby seals. Everyone gets upset when people club them to death, but can’t they just move to someplace where nobody has a club?

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