Friday Cheers & Jeers

If these seals weren't so lazy, they'd just move to someplace where nobody has a club.
Cheers: To cute and furry kittens, Mrs. T’s pierogies, and snowplow drivers who work around the clock to make our streets safe and clear, except in Cleveland. Jeers: To those kids who beat up that guy in Shaker Heights. Not only is beating guys bad, but it’s against the rule of law! Those youngsters deserve a time out! Cheers: To Grandmas! They’re always knitting socks, and have a deft hand with casseroles, making our world just a little brighter! Jeers: To sad people. Turn that frown upside down! You’re totally bumming us out! Cheers: To Father John at St. Elizabeth's. That really was a swell homily, and your new hairdo rocks! Jeers: To vulcan death grips, which can really hurt and are totally inappropriate in the classroom. Cheers: To people who use turn signals! Politeness never goes out of style! Jeers: To people who don’t use turn signals. What? Are you like a bird with a sore wing who can’t lift his arm? And while you’re at it, quit driving so slow in the left lane and talking on your cell phone. Think about it: Nobody really wants to hear what you have to say. Cheers: To Friday fish fries! But can’t anyone figure out how to put two things of tartar sauce on the plate? One is never enough! Jeers: To baby seals. Everyone gets upset when people club them to death, but can’t they just move to someplace where nobody has a club?

About The Author

Scroll to read more Cleveland News articles
Join the Cleveland Scene Press Club

Local journalism is information. Information is power. And we believe everyone deserves access to accurate independent coverage of their community and state.
Help us keep this coverage going with a one-time donation or an ongoing membership pledge.


Join Cleveland Scene Newsletters

Subscribe now to get the latest news delivered right to your inbox.