'Jesus' Invaded Home, Prayed with Man, Stole Golf Cart, Asked to Fornicate with Police: This May Be Greatest Criminal Narrative of All Time

Down near Wooster, Ohio, a man identifying himself as Jesus was apprehended Tuesday night in a stolen golf cart.

According to Wayne County Captain Douglas Hunter, the man had invaded a home, discharged a fire extinguisher, laid down at the foot of the residents' bed and then prayed for a short time with the man of the house before exiting "into the darkness."

When picked up by local deputies, "Jesus" stated that he wanted to fornicate with the officers, but, per Hunter, "the officers just weren't interested in having that type of relationship with the man."

Please do enjoy Captain Hunter's two-minute narrative of the case. It's one of the greatest we've ever heard.

"This case should serve as a reminder," said Hunter, "to lock your doors, because you never know who might be wandering about and just might walk into your home... On the topic of Jesus certainly walking into the home of a stranger in the middle of the night: It's an excellent way to, perhaps, get to meet Jesus face-to-face."

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About The Author

Sam Allard

Sam Allard is the Senior Writer at Scene, in which capacity he covers politics and power and writes about movies when time permits. He's a graduate of the Medill School of Journalism at Northwestern University and the NEOMFA at Cleveland State. Prior to joining Scene, he was encamped in Sarajevo, Bosnia, on an...
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