Welp. Looks like the assertive 10-year-old girls who advocated for Jim Tressel as the new coach of the Cleveland Browns with such conviction and sisterly aplomb will be disappointed: ESPN.com has reported that Tressel will join Jim Caldwell in Detroit in an important role.
The prescient folks at Wikipedia are already calling Tressel the Lions' offensive coordinator.
Wikipedia says Jim Tressel is Lions' new offensive coordinator. Anyone ever known Wiki to be wrong? pic.twitter.com/zn5r8M2LNJ
— Gregg Doyel (@GreggDoyelCBS) January 16, 2014
It's still unknown what role Tressel will actually assume. Back in 2011, he served under Caldwell in the Colts' organization as a reviewer of game footage or something equally interny. Though Tressel wasn't an expected head coaching candidate in Cleveland, his hiring indicates that talented leaders with winning track records are being gobbled up like hotcakes league-wide. Not like this was a secret.
The PD reported this morning that the Browns' would be interviewing the Bills' Defensive Coordinator — the BILLS! — whose name I won't even bother giving you three guesses to yank from some spectral Gameday memory: It's Mike Pettine and we're still not sure if it's pronounced PET-een, puh-TEEN, or puh-TEE-nee.
Please do search the Twitter archives of Scene staff writer @ericsandy for some truly and hysterically offbeat coaching candidates. And if you're down with the great-depression-era depression of the fan base, check out this guy's letter to Haslam, in which the following is perhaps the most crystalline distillation and despair-inducing cherry on top:
You are taking my seats away with your new scoreboard and I have heard nothing from the ticket office along with that you will be sending us our invoice within the next 30 days. I have no seats, no coach or coordinators, and a team that can't win more than 5 games a year and an owner that is looking at jail time.