LeBron James roots for the Yankees; Drew Carey named Cavs’ new forward

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Why can't LeBron look more like Drew?
The Plain Dealer reported today that Lebron James will be rooting for the Yankees if they face the Indians in the upcoming divisional series. Now some people might respect that LeBron is his own man, arguing that he's allowed to root for whoever he wants. He shouldn’t be forced to support Cleveland’s baseball team, they say, just because he’s the face of our basketball team. Yeah, that's some bullshit. LeBron wearing a Yankees cap is akin to Brady Quinn getting his face tattooed to look exactly like Terry Bradshaw's. But it's typical, really. This, after all, is a guy who flew all the way to New York to host Saturday Night Live. Hey SNL Guy: Cleveland has live talk shows too, you know. Ever heard of a little show called Good Company? Another thing: we don’t approve of you cavorting with Jay-Z all the time. You need to hang out with some of our equally talented Cleveland rappers. Bizzy Bone needs friends too, you know. So here's a tip, LeBron: Be like Drew Carey. That dude is constantly photographed in Cleveland sports gear. When he takes a vacation, he doesn’t use his ample fortune to fly to St. Tropez in the south of France, but rather jet-sets to his beach estate on the equally elegant shores of Lake Erie. Plus, Carey looks like a Clevelander. He’s pudgy, with a $7 haircut and terrible glasses. Lebron, meanwhile, is 6’8” and in superior physical condition. He dresses stylishly and just got Lasik eye surgery -- yet another slap in the face. The bottom line, LeBron: shape up or get shipped out. We will trade you for Andrei Kirilenko if you don’t at least pretend to have Indians Fever. And then we’ll see how you like hanging out with Utah rappers. -- Gus Garcia-Roberts
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