Letters We'd Like to Get

Eternal graditude to The Onion for this.
  • Eternal graditude to The Onion for this.

Some of you write us letters, and we appreciate you. But there are others who don't who we'd like to hear from. For example...

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Dear Scene:

I recently made a purchase of a local Cleveland product, and while I support the city, its institutions and organizations, it turns out that I have changed my mind. Thankfully, I believe I'm still within the time limit to make a return. The problem is, I seem to have misplaced the receipt. It was for $1 billion or so, and it was last seen near Berea. If found, please let me know.

Jimmy Haslam

Knoxville, Tennessee

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Dear Scene:

Goallllllllllllllllllllllll! I'm celebrating this moment of Aston Villa triumph by throwing confetti in the air from my perch at Villa Park. How convenient that Pinterest showed me an easy way to make confetti from leftover receipts, just this past Sunday afternoon around 4 p.m. Smashing!

Randy Lerner

England

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