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We get letters, and you're all so nice for sending them. But here are some we didn't receive that would have really made our day.
***
Dear Scene:
I had such a lovely visit in your city this week. Clevelanders are among the most patriotic, dedicated, and hardest-working Americans I’ve had the good fortune to encounter on the campaign trail...and some of the fattest. I’m not trying to be rude, but it’s as if the entire city never heard of trans fat. Corned beef is not a suitable breakfast option. Just ask Chris Christie.
Michelle Obama
The White House
***
Dear Scene:
We had a rough week, and we’ll be the first to admit it. Thankfully, news that a teen broke into our maintenance facility, stole a bus, and took it on a joyride was overshadowed by some other news. Unfortunately, that other news was a viral video of one of our drivers gently and accidentally brushing up against one horrendously unruly passenger. Words like “punch” and “uppercut” and “assault” were used to describe the incident, but those seem pretty extreme. Also, they distract the city from all the good that RTA does on a daily basis, and all the punches that aren’t thrown. Remember when we were named the best public transportation service in all of North America by the American Public Transportation Association? Okay, that was in 2007, but we’re still ready to fill you in on all the details. We’re waiting by the phone. Unless you’re calling about that video.
Regional Transit Authority
Riding around
