Lust: The Reader Survey

Y'all some horny mother effers

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Wow. Just ... wow.

When we launched the Lust Survey, we had no idea how it might go over. Would readers be able to perform under the pressure of being watched? Well, you not only performed, you put on a hell of a show. The responses came so fast and so hard that we could barely keep up, and now can reveal only a peek at the results.

What follows are the answers to six of the survey's 20 questions. More responses here. Watch the Scene&Heard blog and our Facebook page for further updates.

Here are some stats on the respondents (numbers indicate percentages):

SEX: Female, 46.6; male, 53.4.

ORIENTATION: Straight, 81.1; gay, 3.4; bi, 12.8; other, 2.7.

AGE: 18-20 years old, 1.4; twenties, 23.0; thirties, 29.7; forties, 26.4; fifties, 16.2; sixties and older, 3.4.

RELIGION: Christian, 51.4; Jewish, 2; Buddhist, 0.7; Pagan, 2.7; agnostic, 14.9; atheist, 12.8; other, 15.5.

STATUS: Married, 48.6; single but committed, 21.6; single and looking; 13.5; single and content, 10.8; hookin' up left and right, 5.4.

EMPLOYMENT: White collar, 52.0; blue collar, 24.3; full-time student, 9.5; unemployed, 11.5; retired, 2.7.

Finally, thanks to Ambiance ( for providing the $250 gift certificate. The winner will be notified shortly.

How often do you think about sex? What's the role of sexual fantasy in your life?

Regardless of who a person is (as long as they are an adult), the first time I meet them, I picture myself having sex with them.

Two to three times a day. Being the aggressor most of the time!

I think about sex almost all the time. It's hard not to when you work around some beautiful woman. I bring up sexual fantasy to my wife all the time and she just does nothing about it, and then I say what are your fantasies, and again, she just sits there. I guess that's why they are called fantasies in my life; they never come true.

I think about sex multiple times a day, 10 times at least. I love sexual fantasy, and it does play a major role in foreplay. Bondage requires fantasy.

I think about sex as much as I can during the week, and nonstop Friday, Saturday and Sunday. Fantasy plays a huge role in our life. We can indulge in so many different things without offending each other, spending a lot of money or breaking the law

Whenever I see my partner change.

Now that I am over 50 and in a committed relationship, it's better, more intimate. And I go through phases with fantasy — sometimes it's everything, and sometimes I don't fantasize at all.

Every three to four seconds. Uniforms.

I would have to say a lot throughout every day. My wife and I also try and incorporate sexual thoughts into our communication on a daily basis through talking, texting, e-mailing, pix, etc.

My wife and I often role-play, as well as fantasize about group sex or being with other people. We have actually acted on a couple of those fantasies. Having sex in public is another big fantasy!

Quite a bit, at least 15 times a day. I like to fantasize about other people — sometimes I'm not even involved!

Whenever I look at my wife, she turns me on so much.

I wish sexual fantasy played a bigger part of my life. My wife constantly has "headaches" and "stomach aches," so I can't remember the last time we had sex.

It adds an element of excitement and chases away the boredom I often run into. I don't think I have many inhibitions, and as a writer, I like to see how far I can push my "comfort zone" in writing something that is alluring and teasing.

Not only do I have an active imagination, but I also have the privilege of having a smoking hot girlfriend. Masturbating is not just something I do to get the poison out, it's a hobby that I'm always looking to improve on.

I fantasize about sex all the time because I hardly ever get any.

I think about sex when I'm doing dishes, because the soapsuds remind me of slick vaginal secretions. If I were to start using a dishwasher, my sex life would disappear.

Sex has a place in my mind like a Jack-in-the-Box — just put a hand on the crank and anything could pop up!

Whenever I think about my man. He's not into that, so I still use them but pretty much in my head.

If I do think about something that might happen, it's usually the setup to the situation. Making out with someone behind a bar, or what could have happened after he said that one thing to me.

I only get to see my fiancé on weekends, so I think about sex every Friday, then try to put it out of my mind Sunday-Thursday or it's a long long loooong week.

I think about sex every day, about a thousand times a day. I fantasize about my husband all day long, and as soon as he gets home, I start making my move. I fantasize about things I have done with a partner, things I wish my partner would do to me and things I see in erotic film.

Probably a little less often than my heart beats ... but not much less.

I love being the one in the center of attention and in control in real-life sexual play. But in my masturbatory fantasies, I find myself watching my partner with multiple others and I'm not in the picture.

It used to be my drive in everything I do in life. School, work, etc. I always believed that by bettering myself as a person and professionally, it would improve both the quantity and quality of my sexual encounters.

When I am not engrossed in a project, I'm thinking about pussy.

Since I got pregnant, nearly all the time. I have to force myself to concentrate on work, and that doesn't happen all time. Sexual fantasies used to be my way of "getting in the mood" before initiating relations with my husband. Now I can't turn them off!

I think about sex every time I pass a good-looking guy. I always hope that if I look around, I'll see him looking back at me and then we meet up.

Every time I see a good-looking girl, I fantasize doing all kinds of things to all parts of her body.

At work I think about co-workers, at the bar I think about girls, at home I look at porn on the computer nonstop.

I fantasize a lot. I've found that sometimes it's better to think about it than to do it!

I don't think about sex all the time, but when I do it's never "just sex." It's always a wild S&M-type fantasy.

I fantasize about women I've been with in the past and present. I'm happily married to an incredibly beautiful woman and I still can't stop fantasizing about other women even while making love to my gorgeous wife!

I live and work with my boyfriend, so I'm constantly thinking about doing dirty things to him.

Is it wrong that sometimes I think about it during church sermons?

Sexual fantasy plays a minimal part in my sex life, more like no part really. I am a realist in the bedroom.

My role is the submissive doll. Lock me up naked, and only use me when you want to get off.

I think about sex about half the time my mind wanders away from what I'm doing. The other half, I'm thinking about food.

I am pregnant right now, and with the surge of hormones racing through my body, I think about sex more than ever. I cannot wait until after I have this baby so I can fulfill my submissive fantasy role where I am helplessly (and happily) at the mercy of at least one other female and my husband.

Constantly, and past swinger experiences fill up my fantasies.

Mostly while driving, which leads to some awkward readjusting when I reach my destination. Sexual fantasy (along with porn) is my only sexual outlet as I'm married and my wife has cancer-related dyspareunia.

I fantasize about him being rough, just taking it from me.

I think about sex rather often. What is bad is that I work in a Catholic high school!

Sexual fantasy is an important part of my health and well-being, and sometimes it may save the lives of those around me.

If I went to the bathroom as often as I think about sex, I would need a colostomy bag.

Do you consider yourself a good lover? Explain.

I'm an OK lover. I'm more of a let's-fuck-and-get-it-over-with lover. Why waste time? Let's just go!

Not really. I get the job done but don't always put all the extra effort in that I could and should.

I'm difficult to please, yet it is so easy to please myself. I therefore must be awesome.

Yes. I'm open to new ideas, positions, places, roles, third parties, what-have-you ... It's rarely boring in my bedroom.

Yes, I can be. I am open and honest and consider my partner's needs and feelings.

Yes, yes, yes — very attentive and aware. I love sex and love woman, and always get a genuine thank-you.

Yes, I try to please the other person. Their pleasure makes me excited. I love to make them shiver and moan.

I am a much better lover with a little help from Jagermeister and Red Bull.

Yes, mostly because I try to think of my partners. Getting them off gets me off.

I like what I do. As far as sex goes, I'm not in it for the money or for the other person.

I feel I please my husband very well. I think if you think about your partner's needs and role playing and use toys, you'll be a great lover.

Definitely. I have never had complaints. I am adventurous and like to do it often. I have a signature move: When I'm on top, I go down slowly on the head of the penis and pull back up. This has made more than one guy shiver with pleasure.

Yes. I have years of practice and have picked up some tricks over time. I also try to be in the moment as much as possible and really think about how much I am enjoying myself, which in turn comes across.

Yes. I care about the other person's pleasure just as much as my own, and I can be very creative. I also take very good care of my shapely little frame and always dress and undress to impress.

I didn't think I was, but I have been proposed to three times the morning after, so I must be doing something right.

Yes! I'm uninhibited and know how to give and receive pleasure. But, to be honest, no man has fully tapped my sexual potential.

I do, and only because I always put my lovers first, making sure they are satisfied down to the last minute.

Yeah, I'm a good sucker. I pay close attention to every part of my lover's body and all of their senses. I give special attention to their favorite places and mix it up with all types of sex: gentle/intimate, playful, rough and nasty!

Yes. I've been complimented by several sex partners: "You've got that sex thing down pat."

I'm a Pisces. I don't think I'm an exceptionally good anything.

I only ever had one complaint. Most girls like it "harder-faster." This one gal didn't. So I didn't. Lights on, lights off. I don't care how we do it.

Yes. I have been told that I am. I enjoy sex and am confident, which I think is a big part of being "good."

Yes, I am kinky in bed and take the reins when I need to. Other times I let my partner control the action. And I give a mean blow job.

I have good and bad days, like anyone else. But I always try to be unselfish. I guess that makes me a good lover.

I'd like to think I am. I'm not a two-pump chump.

Yes, if somewhat mechanical.

Yes, I can last as long as I want and aim to please her first before myself.

Well, let's just say my nicknames are the Tongue and Fingers.

Hell yeah! Been hitched for 30 years. What do you think?

It's more about my partner's needs than my own and, most importantly, whatever I am doing. I find that doing it slower really helps.

Yes. I always make sure my partner has an orgasm before I have mine. I like to make love several times a night.

I love to please my man and allow his needs to come before mine. I am up for pretty much anything and even want it more than he does.

Yep, I enjoy giving receiving and fulfilling the sexual desires of my wife. I even like to snuggle afterward.

Yes, very much. I truly enjoy fulfilling my wife's desires and helping her explore the frontiers of her sexuality. This was my attitude as a single guy, and it always pleased my partners then too. I've found that focusing on my partner makes it very easy to satisfy myself.

Yes, I would say I'm considerate and would rather get my girl off than have her get me off. I love going down on my girl for hours.

Yes, I do. Mainly because I know what turns a guy and a girl on. If you know what they like, then you can't go wrong. And if you don't know, then ask.

Yes. I never enter into any sexual experience without the attitude of treating others like I want to be treated. It is always mutual. For me it is about the connection on every level. Sex is so much better for everyone all around if you take the time to know your partner and feel how they respond to you.

I consider myself to be an excellent lover. I role-play for my partner. It may start at home and end up at a hotel while I'm in full character. One time I got stopped for speeding and the cop asked for me to step out, and when he saw what I had on, he said, "You can go play" and wished his wife would do something daring like this. NO TICKET. I try to make him think and feel me even when I'm not around.

My wife averages two orgasms each time we have sex. That's my frame of reference.

I don't try as hard as I should sometimes, but when I put forth the time and effort, I'm a fucking rock star. Why? Because I make sure we both have a good time.

Yes. I enjoy giving BJs, HJs, massages ... whatever I can to make my lover happy. Plus, I'm very flexible, which helps us get into some very fun and fulfilling positions.

Yes, I make sure the woman is satisfied first. I have a big cock and can go all night.

Yes, I love to satisfy the woman first. I love giving oral to them, and my big dick usually finishes them off. I can go all night long too.

I'm passionate in bed. However, affection is difficult for me to show in other areas.

Not so much. I'm rather clueless about what to do, and I am rather physically inept.

Yes, I do. I understand that every person is different. I don't expect my husband to like the same things my college boyfriend did. I learn and adapt. Also, I'm willing to try almost anything at least twice.

Yes. Every single time I'm with someone new, she wants to see me again.

I don't consider myself good or bad. I just try to make her feel as good as possible and let her do the same for me.

Yes. Almost all the women that I have been with have said so. If that isn't the best way to measure yourself, I don't know what is.

If I'm with the right person, yes. Good lovers come in pairs.

Yes. I like pleasuring someone more than I like being pleasured myself.

I guess I am adequate. By no stretch of the imagination would I consider myself amazing, but my partner and I both get off, so I guess I'm not terrible.

I am an exceptional lover. I can get hard enough to puncture drywall, and I can last 40 minutes easily. I am longer than an unsharpened pencil and I have had women quit on me.

I do consider myself to be a good lover. I am very attentive to what my partner likes and dislikes, and I try to give him what he wants. I am open to his fantasies and will help incorporate those into our sexual experiences. I also give lots of positive feedback to my partner so he doesn't have to guess what I like.

Based on partner reaction, I'd say yes. I do not have to initiate sex, and if I do, she is ready also. I don't recall either of us ever telling the other "no."

Yes. Because I'm not selfish. I listen. I suggest. I submit. I often put in overtime for certain prolonged women's orgasms! I may not be John Holmes, but I stay in great physical shape.

I have a pretty open mind and like a pretty wide range of things. I also understand that all people are different and have different preferences. I think that makes a good lover — custom-fitting your "skills" for the person you're with. And I'm always willing to talk about what's good and what doesn't work. I think communication is important.

I am not a good Lover, but I am the best Luster. I'm not in it for the commitment. I'm here for the fun.

My partner responds willingly and enthusiastically and is visibly spent after lovemaking.

Yes, although it has been awhile. I am willing to role play, and I'm not fazed by unusual requests. I always try to remain aware of the reactions of my partner to make it a mind-blowing experience for him. For me, the entire body is a sex organ, and I let my fantasies and creativity run wild.

I use to be when I had sex. I'm willing to try new things, work at giving her multiple orgasms, and one time during sex a girl actually called me Superman -- no joke.

Yes, I try to be attentive to my wife's needs. At the same time, I like to switch things up. Sometimes we do crazy kinky sex, sometimes romantic long lovemaking, and then just raw naked fucking.

No, not really. I've only been with one partner for over 20 years.

Yes. There are two reasons: 1) I intensely and passionately focus on the pleasure of my partner, and 2) It is what I've been told by every sexual partner I've had. I think it's 'cause I'm not a selfish lover. I receive the most compliments on the use of my tongue.

I do consider myself a good lover, but I'm sure I've had plenty of bad moments as well. It takes two to tango, and I know when we are feeding off of each other, it always leads to a great experience.

Yes. At least that's what my wife says, and if she's not faking, I try to make sure her needs are fulfilled every time we have sex.

Yes, I take it very slow, not missing any areas. I have been told numerous times I should get an award for my tongue usage.

As I have only been with my husband, I would like to believe that I am. I am varied in the type of delights enjoyed, from S&M, bondage, vanilla sex, kinky sex, and I most enjoy pleasing my husband. I'd rather he get off than me.

Yes. Practice, practice, practice.

I'm probably not bad. I've got good stamina and imagination, and because I suffer from the Irish Curse and I'm not George Clooney, I have to work harder and really make foreplay important.

What's the kinkiest thing you've ever done?

I basically raped a guy. It was fun for me and for them.

I peed on someone. It was kind of weird.

Had group sex, three women (including me) and one guy — yum.



There's quite a few on that list, but I really like when he sticks his whole hand up there the whole way. Or sometimes in the shower, he puts Mr. Purple in me and plays with it inside me to get me aroused.

Had sex in a church choir loft (during the day).

Sex in an adult movie theatre, in front of strangers. And then with the strangers.

Being led around on leash in underwear at a fetish event. The person leading me around invited complete strangers to spank me.

Had sex in a wrestling ring.

Making out on the side of the highway with my now wife. She was in the driver seat. Just as she was having an orgasm and her best "O" face was on when a state trooper appeared at the driver-side window. He asked her, "Are you OK, ma'am?" We still laugh about it.

Watching my wife having sex with four different guys in a row, then having my turn last.

Had M/M/F sex several times and F/F/M sex also, which was a lot better.

Threesome with complete strangers on vacation.

Made it with a professor in college while dressed like Elvis in one of the theater department's costumes.

Having sex in the living room with my roommate down the hall and in broad daylight where the neighbors could watch ... and did.

Fucked my man with a carrot up his ass ... at his request, of course.

Got a blow job from a glory hole.

I went to my partner's job with absolutely beautiful lace bra and pantie set on underneath my Carhart snowsuit and Timberland boots and seduced him.

Once with a boyfriend while his brother was in the next room making dinner and talking to him! Another time was on a hotel-room bed while my mom was sleeping in a bed next to us! Boys are relentless!

Having two men in the same bed. It wasn't nearly as much as I fun thought it would be!

Probably sex on top of a car on the side of the freeway in the middle of the night.

Had sex with bisexual twins and their German shepherd!

I was tied naked to a wrought-iron fence and forced to pee while being manually stimulated. This is not a very easy thing to do.

Took sex photos of two friends and accepted the offer for me to fuck her while he went to go get food.

Spent a day with a butt plug in. Very much a turn-on, but worried about it the whole time.

Hired an escort to meet my partner and me in the club. Then got my girlfriend drunk at the club and making it seem like it was her idea of having a threesome.

I had a girl blow me while she fingered herself in front of over 100 people at a swingers club in Miami.

Asked my husband to stick his penis in peanut butter so I could lick it off. (Wasn't a great idea because peanut butter does not come off easily.)

Allow another man to have sex with my (ex) wife.

I'm embarrassingly hapless when it comes to kinky.

Jacked off in front of several women at a house party (while drunk).

Dressed in women's clothes, drove to a gay bar and picked up a guy.

I made my man wear women's clothes and a strap-on.

Got a blowjob in my DJ booth while her husband fucked her in the ass.

I'm definitely a heavy BDSM kind of girl. D/s relationships, covered in wax, completely immobilized wide open ... the list goes on.

Dressed as a woman and had hot sex with my girfriend and had girls' night out on the town and laughed at the guys when they tried to pick me up. This is the hottest sex you can have if she is into it.

Got my nuts spanked with a paint stirrer while jacking off.

I had a very good friend who was a lesbian. There was never any attraction between us, but we always said we wanted to find a bisexual girl who would like to be the center of our attention for a night. We ended up finding one in a straight friend of ours who never considered herself bi or even curious. One night, we were all hanging out and we started giving each other backrubs, and to everyone's surprise, things began to progress. Every time I moved things up a notch, my gay friend would follow by doing the same, and my straight friend just went with it. It was a fantastic night.

Had sex with someone I barely knew on a table top in the back room of a nightclub where I was working while the club was open.

Golden showers, diapers.

Baby oil and painter's plastic in our dining room. Bondage. Sex outside. It's tough to be kinky with my hubby — he's a prude!

I had a partner into BDSM, and she was my slave for an entire weekend. She spent the entire weekend tied up and serving me. It was absolutely amazing.

My wife, just last year, sucked my dick in the middle of a 4th of July party. There were probably six to 10 people in same room, and it was plainly open. It kind of turned into a big "fondling" party. Everyone starting touching the women in the room, tits were out, etc.

Five-way orgy with three guys and two girls. Six hours of sex with a bag of toys, pot and alcohol.

Filled out this survey.

What's your favorite sex scene from a mainstream movie? Why?

Mr. & Mrs Smith. Cuz I'm rough like that.

Monster's Ball. Cause it's huge when someone like Halle Berry gets it on.

The sex scene from Highlander, because I find it amusing it took her penetrating him in order for the two of them to get hot over each other.

I can only think of stuff in porn. I can't even think of a movie that has one.

I watch mostly independent movies, so that's a toughie. Does the scene between Edie Sedgwick and Bob Dylan in Factory Girl count as mainstream? That was pretty sexy.

They are all terrible.

The library scene from Atonement. It's just so sexy how he pushes her up against the shelves in the library.

The first one in Knocked Up. Strictly because they play "Rock Lobster" in the background.

I like the rape scene in Irreversible.

Not a fave, but most memorable: Last House on the Left's rape scene. It shook me up. Never seen that kinda shit.

Honey, I make my own.

I wish I was Violet in Bound. Oh, Gina Gershon, the thoughts you put in my head!

Girl-on-girl kissing. It is much sexier than male-on-male kissing to me!

Anal sex scene in Last Tango, for obvious reasons, and the pottery scene in Ghost because it is messy.

A History of Violence, between Viggo Mortensen and Maria Bello. She dresses up as a cheerleader with no panties and seduces him in his boyhood home. Poignant, loving and hot as hell.

If it's not porn, I find movie sex scene kind of awkward.

9 1/2 Weeks in the kitchen at the refrigerator, with all the fruits and whip cream. It made me go have sex.

Michael Douglas and Demi Moore in Disclosure — holy shit that's hot. She's the boss, she's hot as hell, he rips her underwear off. Good God, I wish that was me.

Gina Gershon and Jennifer Tilly in Bound.

Jerry Maguire, at the beginning. She is so loud and obnoxious, it's great.

Superbad. The scene with Michael Cera. The buildup to drunken sex was just so real.

Mr. & Mrs. Smith. There's something so primal, dirty and "we have to fuck now" in that film. It is sorely lacking from real life.

Love the sex scene in Fatal Attraction where Glenn Close performs fellatio on Michael Douglas in an elevator. I like the surprise of it all for him — he didn't know it was going to happen and it is done in a semi-public area.

Still has to be the food scene from 9 1/2 Weeks. Something about being blindfolded and half-naked and having to totally trust that other person. That really gets me hot.

It's not a sex scene, but the sexiest scene is the close-up on Scarlett Johanssen's underwear-clad ass in the hotel room in Lost In Translation.

Bull Durham — him painting her toenails, because he will do anything for her and enjoy doing it.

Aaron Eckhart and Katie Holmes in Thank You for Smoking, when she says "Fuck me while I watch you on TV" or something like that. Classic.

I hope you consider The Pillow Book to be mainstream. I love the scene where Nagiko and Jerome have intercourse in the bathtub in an intriguing position. MMMMM!

Secretary — the scene where she gets spanked. Her willingness to take whatever she could get.

Catherine Deneuve and Susan Sarandon in The Hunger. It looked as if they weren't acting.

Anything done realistically. When the sunlight comes through the window

just eight and everything is in slow motion, it just seems wrong. To me, sex is fun, boisterous, passionate and sometimes funny. Being able to capture that sort of experience on film is what makes a sex scene really speak to me.

The sex scene from the movie The Notebook, 'cause it turns on my wife.

Wild Things with Denise Richards and Neve Campbell. Just amazing bodies that anyone would love to be with.

I don't know why, but when the nerd does the cheerleader in Revenge of the Nerds.

From Knocked Up — it's really a funny sex scene, more than steamy one. When they're getting it on and he has to stop because he thinks he's going to poke the kid in the face with his picker.

From Out of Africa, where Robert Redford is in bed with whatshername and he says, "Don't move" and she says "Why?" and he goes "Just don't." Even though it is not visually explicit, the passage lets women into a man's head. Sometimes he can hardly contain their biology.

Anything with Kate Winslet, except for Revolutionary Road.

Final lovemaking scene from Cat People, when the zookeeper ties up Nastassja Kinski to have sex with her, and not be killed when she transforms into a panther.

What's the most important sex-related lesson you'd like to teach the world?

Don't live your private life like somebody's watching. If God cares more about me masturbating than he does about a clerk about to get shot in a convenience store hold-up, then he needs to get his priorities straight.


It is 100 times better with someone you care about.

Don't try to have sex on a bar if your partner is not tall enough to reach you. It's very awkward.

Use lube!

Wear protection and see your doctor regularly. Seriously.

A confident, adventurous person with an imperfect body is far sexier than an insecure "10" with no passion.

There are sexually transmitted viruses that they don't (can't/won't) test men for that a man can unknowingly pass these on to a women if he catches them himself, and that these viruses can be caught and transmitted even if you wear a condom.

Get a diagram and learn where the clit is or have the woman show you; some of you guys seem to be off a few millimeters. Also, women are just as horny as men. Sometimes it just takes slapping their ass and telling them to get in the bedroom.

Slow down and build momentum. The longer it takes, the better.

Let your freak flag fly. Sex is fun and nothing about which to be ashamed.

Guys, use your tongue more and just pay attention to her body. When you find the spot that gets her body to reach to, hit that spot a lot. But you must move away from it off and on to take her with the ebb and flow.

SLOW DOWN! Whatever you are doing, slow down. It's not a race.

Don't be afraid to try anything.

Don't mess with someone's wife.

Find the passion! You were attracted to your partner for other reasons than sex — her smile, eyes, confidence. Keep that a vivid memory, passion has to come from inside, can't be superficial.

If you are single, don't ever pass up a piece of strange. When you are old, you'll regret it.

Ladies, when you find that someone who makes you feel out of this world, rock his body, mind and soul. Trust me, he will be back, at full attention.

Anal is good.

Just because I like girls does not mean that I'm interested in you. I'm not into it for the male attention.

Stop being so uptight. There's a huge difference between sex and love.

We should have sex with more people and more often.

Sex makes shit complicated!

Having sex while laying in the snow is not good for your back!

Learn to go down on a woman.

There's nothing more exciting than unexpected, spur-of-the-moment sex with a complete stranger ... just use protection.

What you won't do, someone else will.

If you find a partner who isn't willing to try new things, run for it! If you find a partner who is always horny and doesn't annoy you, keep 'em!

We are all responsible for our own orgasms.

Sex is not about getting off. It is a never-ending journey of pleasure that two people share together and give to one another. Sharing that journey should be more important that your job and extracurricular activities as typically it's the glue that holds your relationship together.

Don't expect sex — or love — to be like the movies.

Don't underestimate your partner's boundaries.

When using your tongue: side to side, up and down, hard then soft, heat it up, then cool it off (blow on it), do it again and again and again.

My special multi-orgasmic tongue and G-spot trick.

Without passion you're just roommates.

Do you have something you'd like to say or confess to a past or present lover?

It was just a fuck — nothing more, nothing less. So stop calling me; I'll call you!

Oops, my bad.

How about to his wife? I slept with your husband. There are a lot of married men who are dissatisfied with their spouses — especially after having children. Children kill sex lives. True story.

You were selfish, and your dick was too small. C'mon, move! Do something besides lay there!

I would like to tell my ex-husband that I'm sorry!

Present lover: start giving it up, or I'm gonna start looking.

I said I loved you, but I didn't mean it.

Your ballsack piercing = not cool. It does not take away from the fact that your penis is sooo small, I could never orgasm, and it was difficult to suck.

I cheated on you all of the time. Maybe you should have been nicer and more attentive.

Did you mean to be like a wet dishrag?

To future lovers: I cannot wait until you take full control of me one night.

I'd like to tell my husband to pay more attention to me, and to give me more penis! Not just once or twice a week, at least like every day. Even if it's just real quick!

The reason we only had sex once? Your man boobs freaked me out. Like, a lot.

Your husband knows about us.

I still love you. The last time we fucked it was amazing, and I hope you wait for me

I slept with your brother.

I slept with a girlfriend's mother and gave her chlamydia.

To my first time: You were horrible. And thanks for the clap.

Thank you to all of you. Every relationship made me who I am today. The good the, bad and the ugly parts. Fortunately, it's mostly good.

I made my second ex-wife take birth control pills even though it wasn't necessary because I was sterile.

There are erogenous hot spots — work them all at once if you want me to orgasm.

Penis piercings do not feel good!

Yes, I never cared you didn't swallow — your handjobs were better than any blowjob I ever had.

If you had even pretended you cared about sex, we would still be married.

To the first few women I had sex with: "I got better!"

You shouldn't have broken up with me. Admit it, I was the best you've had.

I know I told you that our sex life died, and that's why I cheated on you. And when you asked me with how many people, I said, "This was the only time." But the truth is, it was with five different people.

I have always wanted to say to my man I would like to strap on a dildo and fuck you in the ass real slow.

When I see you at work and happen to come around and close to you, you make me feel all tingly and super-horny.

I faked an orgasm once because I just wanted to hurry things up and get to Waffle House.

I really wish that I had taken advantage of you, my one and only girlfriend. I think you and I could've had some super-hot steamy moments together ... if only your head wasn't so wrapped around my BFF. Thanks for using me to get to her, you c---!

It's not that my conscience wouldn't let me go through with it; it's that I prematurely ejaculated in the condom before we started.

If I have dated you, I have worn your panties.

I wish I would have been more vocal about what I was interested in or liked.

All those orgasms — they were all fake. I was just too shy to talk about sex back then.

I am totally in love with someone other than my current girlfriend. The "other" girl seems to be my perfect match — it's just too hard to face all the other consequences of the breakup.

I got drunk and slept with someone else while we were dating. I broke up with you out of guilt, not because I couldn't handle the long-distance relationship. But the distance may have been the cause of my infidelity.

It was me that gave you herpes.

I am so sorry I used you like that, but I do wish you hadn't dragged me into your cries for attention, fake suicide attempts and general drama. If our paths ever cross again, I would probably express my hatred to your face.

Yes, I did have sex with your mom and sister.

If she would have listened, some things would have never happened.

I didn't really destroy those DVDs we made of me enjoying you anally and providing you nourishment close up. I made exact replicas and shredded those in front of you. Sorry.

Several years ago, after getting divorced, I was having relationships with two co-workers at the same time.

I've been sleeping with someone else for the past two years. They seem to want to make time for me and actually care about if I want to do something. They are supportive and receptive to my ideas. If I need to talk, they listen. They are willing do almost anything sexually that I want. They don't keep a junky house — yes, she got her own ...

Both of my ex-wives were prudes!

I don't like giving you b/jobs.

That I want to watch you masturbate.

You want to know why I cheated? Maybe it was because you didn't show any sexual interest in me for over a year. You said it was you, not me, that was the problem (sound familiar?), and when I caught you pleasuring yourself while watching a soft porn movie and I was sitting downstairs, I figured, why the hell not!

With a trim and frequent washing, I would have spent more time going down on you and wouldn't have had to break up. It is my favorite pastime — except when I was with you.

In all the times we had sex, I never climaxed. You might have succeeded if you'd just taken your time and hadn't treated me like I was Burger King (no, you shouldn't expect to have it all "your way.").

You were a whore.

She would have gotten a lot more oral sex from me if she would have washed that thing more frequently.

Yeah, my present lover, my wife. I'd like to apologize for my waywardness and times in which I haven't kept her at the forefront of my mind and heart. There are things I'd like confess but can't stomach the idea of hurting her again.

I'm sorry that I led you on but in my secret sexual heart, I wish I could fuck your brains out.

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