If we really want to screw with the Russians, we'd send Tucker Carlson into space and then forget about him for, like, 70 years.
NASA, the proud space-exploration arm of the government, can notch another hole into its heat resistant belt. Thanks to cutting-edge research and multi-billion dollar financing, America can now brag that we are the first country in the world to get a bow tie into outer space.
Yes, the bow tie
, the symbol of preppy couture embraced by Winston Churchill, Tucker Carlson, and Croatian mercenaries during the Prussian wars of the 17th century, can now place itself among the ranks of Neil Armstrong, John Glenn, and Laika, the first dog in space.
And Ohioans can be proud that this famous bow tie, while probably made in Indonesia, has its origins in the great Buckeye State. ...