We read Kevin O'Brien so you don't have to ...
Column: Candidates' Christmas ads, brought to you by elves and. . . saboteurs?
December 26, 2007
The presidential candidates’ Christmas commercials airing in Iowa and New Hampshire.
Kevin's Sanity Level Today:
What Your Head Would Feel Like if You Read it Yourself:
Imagine getting your face stuffed down the garbage disposal, then having some rats chew on the remains while they discuss the treasury bond market.
Charting Kevin's Logic:
1. Kevin’s the kind of guy who reads all the political blogs and uses words like “traction” and “sea change.”
2. Unfortunately, he assumes you’re like that too, even though you’d prefer to be repeatedly stabbed in the testicles with a Phillips screwdriver.
3. So he actually went to YouTube to see the commercials the presidential candidates are airing in Iowa and New Hampshire over the holidays.
4. Sadly, now he wants to tell you about them.
5. Kevin has completely left the planet on this one, so we’re not sure what the hell he’s talking about. But Fred Thompson apparently thanks the troops. Mike Huckabee seems to be using a cross in his commercial, though it might just be a bookshelf. For some reason Rudy Giuliani is talking about “strict-constructionist judges” with Santa. But the worst commercials, naturally, come from Hillary Clinton, who is addressing “universal health care” and “alternative energy,” which Kevin thinks is Devil talk.
7. Final conclusion: Kevin seems to now believe that politicians are shameless.