Sam Sets New Low for Originality!

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We Read Fulwood So You Don't Have To... Headline: Who really cares about black teens? Date: January 25, 2007 Topic: Someone at The Plain Dealer did some actual work this week, and it wasn't Sam. Luckily for Fulwood, he's shameless when it comes to ripping off his colleagues. This time, it's Rachell Dissell's Sunday stories about juvenile justice. Originality: -17/10 Sam has never been one to shy away from stealing ideas from his colleagues, but this is a new low. After stealing Dissell's reporting for his Tuesday column, Fulwood returns to the scene of the crime to scavenge what's left for his Thursday column. Difficulty: -34/10 This column was about as difficult as compiling the blooper reel for a DVD extra: just gather up the shit that wasn't good enough the first time around and shovel it at the audience. Sam Gets Poetic: "And, once children are plugged into the system, all hope for recovery and rehabilitation seems to fall away, as my colleague Rachel Dissell's stories pointed out Sunday." And with this sentence, Sam has written the "Leaves of Grass" of newspaper plagiarism. The Master Has Spoken: "Yeah, I'm all for that. But I've read such calls for action before, and nobody seems to care." As a matter of fact, I read such calls two days ago in this very space, when I made this exact same argument in slightly different words. And before that, I seem to recall seeing it in the Plain Dealer on Sunday, written by some lady ... what was her name again? What Sam Reveals About Sam: He suspects that too few people value the lives and futures of black kids. Or at least that was the impression he got from Rachell's story the other day. CliffsNotes Version: Fuuuuuuuuuuck. Cheryl the intern just got promoted! What the hell am I gonna do now? It was all I could do on Tuesday to eke out another column about racial unfairness in juvenile justice. Let's see, now where'd I get that scoop? Think, Fulwood, think! OK, retrace your steps ... you got up on Sunday, ate a few Krispy Kremes, looked over The Plain Dealer, started reading that story by Rachell Dissell about racial unfairness in juvenile justice ... wait, that's it! OK, now all I have to do is see what Rachell wrote yesterday ... Drat! Foiled! She didn't write yesterday! Now what am I gonna do? Well, I guess could always steal from the same article again. Hell, nobody's gonna notice ...
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