Tchaikovsky's a Bad Ass

Ain't no better way to keep the kids at bay than by busting some Tchaikovsky on their ass.
Unhappy with winter's recent coldfront, rebellious young teenagers have found an uncommon new hangout spot to gather: libraries. Libraries across the country are reporting increases of students in their facilities — but these kids are not the studious, glass-wearing, Japanese-literature studying kids of yore. They're young hooligans who are scrawling grafitti on the bathroom walls, peeing on the floor, and starting fights in the hallway. Plus, they're totally ignoring the librarians who tell them to "shush." Authorities are not taking this affront lightly. In Wickliffe, libraries are now banning children under 14 from using their facilities unless accompanied by an adult. In Jefferson Parish, Louisiana, librarians are requiring students to bring in parent-signed permission slips in order to use the facilities (a practice that the ACLU is considering suing over). And in Euclid, the library has waged an all-out war on rebellious teenagers: They've begun piping loud classical music into the lobby, bathroom, and entry ways. What better way is there to keep rebellious students out of the library hallways then to bust some Tchaikovsky on their ass? -- Rebecca Meiser

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