The Fill-In-The-Blank Cleveland Revitalization Think Piece


Some good things have been happening in Cleveland, not that they haven't been happening for awhile, but the current string of good news means it's high time for Cleveland think pieces on the Forest City's renaissance. If you haven't written yours yet, that's okay, we've laid out a template with some multiple choices to get the job done easier. You're welcome.

CLEVELAND, OH — Cleveland might be known around the country for __________ (a: its river catching on fire; b: its long, miserable championship draught in professional sports; c: birthing that loud bald guy who cackles at you every morning on The Chew), but things are changing around the Rust Belt city and for the better, proving its no longer __________ (a: the Mistake on the Lake; b: the most miserable city in America, as Forbes once declared; c: just the place where ESPN's Gary Miller allegedly peed on an off-duty cop during the 1997 ALCS).

The home of the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame on the shores of Lake Erie is enjoying an upswing, as shown by its recent attraction of big names like __________ (a: LeBron James; b: the Republican National Convention; c: 22-year-old Matthew Geraldi, who is moving back in with his parents in Stow after graduating from Kent State with a marketing degree and $40,000 in student loans.)

And the city is awash in new construction, signaling an influx of both money and confidence in downtown, as evidenced by __________ (a: the recent multimillion dollar plans to make over Public Square; b: plans for several new hotels and apartment buildings; c: wherever Drake is going to build his magical mystical Cleveland chateau).

With deep European roots, Cleveland is also about as good as a food town as you can find, with locals and residents saying their favorite destinations include __________ (a: an overpriced hot dog hipster bar; b: a farm-to-table restaurant that specializes in pea shoots; c: the 37th Barrio location, which is in the old Parmatown mall).

A lot of Cleveland's energy comes from its neighborhoods, which are growing at astounding rates despite the city's overall population decline. Where day trips used to include staidly named districts like Tremont or Ohio City, new stops entail __________ (a: Hingetown; b: SoLo; c: Hingiertown, which is just one storefront in Hingetown).

And Cleveland, naturally, is a sports town, boasting some of the best fans in America despite the city's recent sports disappoints. Johnny Manziel was drafted by the Browns, and 25-year-old Tyler Lewicki, who was watching training camp one recent afternoon and who described himself as a fervent and lifelong Cleveland fan, said Manziel is looking great. Tyler then said his other favorite current Cleveland athlete is __________ (a: Phil Dawson; b: Victor Martinez; c: Mo Williams).

It's hard not to notice what's happening and local officials feel that it's only a matter of time before the rest of America notices too. __________ (a: "It is what it is," said mayor Frank Jackson. "I'm in legacy mode, bitches."; b: "This is really exciting and lots of things are happening like the Gay Games," said Positively Cleveland president David Gilbert. "Plus, this all really helps to justify my $500,000 a year salary."; c: "My school is falling apart and my teacher got laid off and a couple of people have been shot on my street," said 12-year-old James Harris. "Why are we all excited again?")

Scroll to read more Cleveland News articles


Join Cleveland Scene Newsletters

Subscribe now to get the latest news delivered right to your inbox.