Thursday Nights are About to Be So Lit at the University of Akron

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click to enlarge Ultimate or class? Or drinking?
Ultimate or class? Or drinking?
The University of Akron, in the most generous gift to weekend binge drinking since Four Loko, announced that beginning next fall, it will basically do away with classes on Friday.

The well-intentioned, if stupidly named, "Five Star Friday" initiative is "intended to give as many students as possible opportunities each Friday to participate in cooperative education, gain practical work experience, and engage in internships, co-curricular activities, research, lab work, community service, advising, tutoring and more without worrying about scheduling conflicts."

Lolz.

Look at the sincerity of President Matthew Wilson here, honestly believing that the student body is going to be doing shit like "lab work and community service" now that they can get balls blitzed Thursday nights with zero repercussions.

“Courses will be taught for the same amount of classroom time and involve the same academic rigor," Wilson said, in a press release, assuaging parents even as their children buy stock options in Icehouse and Parrot Bay. "They will just be organized a bit differently to allow for a more concentrated and purposeful set of experiential learning opportunities for students as a result of making Fridays available in this manner. The innovative approach is consistent with workplace flexibility trends.”

Bless his heart, but the only thing "concentrated and purposeful" about Five Star Fridays will be students' puking and rallying.

About The Author

Sam Allard

Sam Allard is the Senior Writer at Scene, in which capacity he covers politics and power and writes about movies when time permits. He's a graduate of the Medill School of Journalism at Northwestern University and the NEOMFA at Cleveland State. Prior to joining Scene, he was encamped in Sarajevo, Bosnia, on an...
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