Today In Rankings: You Are Fat, But Frugal

Just another day in Buffalo.
  • Just another day in Buffalo.

Hey you. You are fat. Don't shake your head, you are. Are you kidding? You know it, we know it, and now, again, the country knows it. Fatty. A big ol' fatty rhino person.

We know this hurts, so we'll bring it out quickly: another national fitness magazine has come out with a list of the fattest cities in America, and Cleveland is in the top five — actually, we took home the bronze. This award doesn't even come with a floor prize, like a bunch of gym memberships or a shipment of hot sauce. We are just fat, this magazine has decided, ha ha on us. We're guessing the guys who compile these lists are a bunch of gym-polished former Ivy rowers who hash it out over a kale lunch in the conference room, thinking back on where the fat guys on the All Campus Greek Council were from.

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