Vu Commits Hara-Kiri

Elections board director Michael Vu, hired three years ago in hopes that an Asian with high SAT scores could save the agency from its own incompetence, resigned yesterday after failing the mission. Despite an impressive resume of karate-chopping, origame party tricks, and an unparalleled expertise in use of the TI-82 graphing calculator, Vu met his match with Cuyahoga County, a place where you need a time-lapse camera to make sure the employees are actually working. Above is the dramatic reenactment footage captured following the devastating announcement. — Jared Klaus
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