Support Local Journalism. Join the Cleveland Scene Press Club.

Tuesday, October 10, 2006

Fulwood Watch: Sam takes the offensive

Posted By on Tue, Oct 10, 2006 at 4:25 PM

This week, Sam goes to battle with ignorance, and realizes he's on the wrong side. Headline: Modest proposal to mend city's ills Date: October 10, 2006 Topic: An anonymous caller calls Sammy out for ripping the Ohio gambling ballot issue without offering alternative solutions for improving the economy. Sammy counterattacks by proposing that that responsibility is best delegated to someone else. Originality: 1/10. We're pretty sure Sammy cribbed this technique directly from either the Cuyahoga County Board of Elections or an AT&T call center in New Delhi, India. Difficulty: 6/10. Hey, at least this column wasn't just copied and pasted from his e-mail box. Sam Gets Poetic: "If more people — especially the poor and hopeless — voted their interests, we would have different priorities and different politicians." Translation: I have no clue what the new priorities would be or who the new leaders would be. The Master Has Spoken: "I have no clue what the new priorities would be or who the new leaders would be." Translation: It's spooky, isn't it? What Sam Reveals About Sam: Either he's experimenting with backyard psychedelic plants, or we're all too stupid to realize he's a genius. CliffsNotes Version: Hmmm, let's see if any of these voice mails are from Papa John's. Those fuckers still owe me a free order of bread sticks... Oh, another fancy pants who thinks I'm an idiot. Alright, time for the gloves to come off... Where's my intern at? Damn, it's her day off. Guess I gotta do this myself... OK, what would Sammy do to improve Cleveland? Think, think. Gee, if only all the people in Cleveland voted, then I'd know what they wanted me to say, and I could just go along with it. A-ha! That was easy... Phew, time for a nap.

We welcome readers to submit letters regarding articles and content in Cleveland Scene. Letters should be a minimum of 150 words, refer to content that has appeared on Cleveland Scene, and must include the writer's full name, address, and phone number for verification purposes. No attachments will be considered. Writers of letters selected for publication will be notified via email. Letters may be edited and shortened for space.

Email us at news@clevescene.com.

Support Local Journalism.
Join the Cleveland Scene Press Club


Local journalism is information. Information is power. And we believe everyone deserves access to accurate independent coverage of their community and state. Our readers helped us continue this coverage in 2020, and we are so grateful for the support.


Help us keep this coverage going in 2021. Whether it's a one-time acknowledgement of this article or an ongoing membership pledge, your support goes to local-based reporting from our small but mighty team.


Join the Cleveland Scene Press Club for as little as $5 a month.

Read the Digital Print Issue

January 5, 2022

View more issues

Newsletters

Never miss a beat

Sign Up Now

Subscribe now to get the latest news delivered right to your inbox.

Calendar

© 2022 Cleveland Scene: 737 Bolivar Rd., Suite 4100, Cleveland, OH 44115, (216) 505-8199
Logos and trademarks on this site are property of their respective owners.


Website powered by Foundation