Join the Cleveland Scene Press Club. Because No News is Bad News.

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

Lez Zeppelin: Squeeze Their Lemons

Posted By on Wed, Nov 15, 2006 at 8:07 PM

Yes, Lez Zeppelin are girls, and pretty ones at that. But so scorching is their rendition of "Dazed and Confused" -- guitarist Steph Paynes does a great Jimmy Page, complete with taking a violin bow to her axe -- that we couldn't help but wonder how the most famous and sleazy saga in rock history would be different if the Brit bombers had been a quartet of goddesses from the get-go. Here's how it might play out: 1) As detailed in the trashy read Golden Apple of the Gods, the group jams a red snapper up some young man's butt (instead of violating a female groupie with seafood). 2) The band's angel mascot would have a way bigger package. 3) Zeppelin would have toured with the Go-Go's, and the infamous videotape of a drunken Belinda Carlisle would have featured hot girl-on-girl action between the bands' singers. 4) The endless concert film The Song Remains the Same wouldn't have been so goddamned dull. 5) The band's drum-driven instrumental number would be called "Moby Clit." 6) Guy fans wouldn't bemoan title In Through the Out Door as "some kind of weird gay shit." 7) Tori Amos' cover of "Thank You" would have been a hit single. 8) Zeppelin would have recorded twice as many albums and toured into the 1990s because they wouldn't have been caught up in juvenile cock-rock antics. Lez Zeppelin plays the Beachland Ballroom Thursday, November 16. — D.X. Ferris

We welcome readers to submit letters regarding articles and content in Cleveland Scene. Letters should be a minimum of 150 words, refer to content that has appeared on Cleveland Scene, and must include the writer's full name, address, and phone number for verification purposes. No attachments will be considered. Writers of letters selected for publication will be notified via email. Letters may be edited and shortened for space.

Email us at news@clevescene.com.

Cleveland Scene works for you, and your support is essential.

Our small but mighty local team works tirelessly to bring you high-quality, uncensored news and cultural coverage of Cleveland and beyond.

Unlike many newspapers, ours is free – and we'd like to keep it that way, because we believe, now more than ever, everyone deserves access to accurate, independent coverage of their community.

Whether it's a one-time acknowledgement of this article or an ongoing pledge, your support helps keep Cleveland's true free press free.

More by Erich Burnett

Read the Digital Print Issue

September 23, 2020

View more issues

Newsletters

Never miss a beat

Sign Up Now

Subscribe now to get the latest news delivered right to your inbox.

Calendar