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Monday, December 11, 2006

Sammy Takes a Swing at City Hall!

Posted By on Mon, Dec 11, 2006 at 2:14 PM

Fulwood Watch Exclusive! Headline: Jackson should be our regional leader Date: December 7, 2006 Topic: Apparently upset that a year under Frank Jackson hasn't transformed Cleveland from rust-bucket cesspool to Hefner's hot tub, Sam finds his faith in the city's mayor tested. The result? A flabby struggle of mind versus soul — all because F-Jack's holding too few press conferences... Originality: 2/10. Using Roger Brown's old Lexis-Nexis account, Sam finds The PD hasn't covered Jackson nearly as often as they did his predecessors. Get ready for three columns a month, people. Difficulty: 5/10. Here we see some progress. Repeated phone calls to City Hall? A career-low 10 references to himself? Hot damn... Sam You Am! Memo to editor Doug Clifton: You sure you still want Connie Schultz back? Sam Gets Poetic: "I also want to believe that his quiet and unassuming manner hides a steady hand on the levers of power. But I need to see some evidence." Try making a public records request. Then watch those steady hands go right for the throat. Where's the report on the sham minority contractors? The resumes for the airport director? Brother Nick's job description? The Master Has Spoken: "But Jackson is too silent, too reluctant to make waves or news. Too few of us know what's going on at City Hall." Sounds kind of familiar, doesn't it? Ten bucks says you could replace "Jackson" with "Fulwood" and you'd have Sam's last performance review. What Sam Reveals About Sam: He must have dialed City Hall from Mike Tobin's phone. Why else wouldn't they answer? CliffsNotes Version: Good morning, voicemails! Whatta we have today? "You suck, Fulwood!" Nope. "Fulwood — you're a racist... and you suck!" Nope. "This message is for Regina Brett..." Bingo! Let me grab something to write with... Damnit, nothing but crayons! ...Yeah, yeah wait a sec! ... The mayor's afraid to talk to the people who want to see him succeed? Superduperawesomeness! So, yeah, like, what's the guy's name? ...Frank...Jackson... Huh? Sounds like a cool guy. Been a year already, too? Oh, man ... Cheryl! Quick — tell me everything that's happened here the last year. ...Great! You got the number for City Hall?

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