Join the Cleveland Scene Press Club. Because No News is Bad News.

Monday, December 11, 2006

Sammy Takes a Swing at City Hall!

Posted By on Mon, Dec 11, 2006 at 2:14 PM

Fulwood Watch Exclusive! Headline: Jackson should be our regional leader Date: December 7, 2006 Topic: Apparently upset that a year under Frank Jackson hasn't transformed Cleveland from rust-bucket cesspool to Hefner's hot tub, Sam finds his faith in the city's mayor tested. The result? A flabby struggle of mind versus soul — all because F-Jack's holding too few press conferences... Originality: 2/10. Using Roger Brown's old Lexis-Nexis account, Sam finds The PD hasn't covered Jackson nearly as often as they did his predecessors. Get ready for three columns a month, people. Difficulty: 5/10. Here we see some progress. Repeated phone calls to City Hall? A career-low 10 references to himself? Hot damn... Sam You Am! Memo to editor Doug Clifton: You sure you still want Connie Schultz back? Sam Gets Poetic: "I also want to believe that his quiet and unassuming manner hides a steady hand on the levers of power. But I need to see some evidence." Try making a public records request. Then watch those steady hands go right for the throat. Where's the report on the sham minority contractors? The resumes for the airport director? Brother Nick's job description? The Master Has Spoken: "But Jackson is too silent, too reluctant to make waves or news. Too few of us know what's going on at City Hall." Sounds kind of familiar, doesn't it? Ten bucks says you could replace "Jackson" with "Fulwood" and you'd have Sam's last performance review. What Sam Reveals About Sam: He must have dialed City Hall from Mike Tobin's phone. Why else wouldn't they answer? CliffsNotes Version: Good morning, voicemails! Whatta we have today? "You suck, Fulwood!" Nope. "Fulwood — you're a racist... and you suck!" Nope. "This message is for Regina Brett..." Bingo! Let me grab something to write with... Damnit, nothing but crayons! ...Yeah, yeah wait a sec! ... The mayor's afraid to talk to the people who want to see him succeed? Superduperawesomeness! So, yeah, like, what's the guy's name? ...Frank...Jackson... Huh? Sounds like a cool guy. Been a year already, too? Oh, man ... Cheryl! Quick — tell me everything that's happened here the last year. ...Great! You got the number for City Hall?

We welcome readers to submit letters regarding articles and content in Cleveland Scene. Letters should be a minimum of 150 words, refer to content that has appeared on Cleveland Scene, and must include the writer's full name, address, and phone number for verification purposes. No attachments will be considered. Writers of letters selected for publication will be notified via email. Letters may be edited and shortened for space.

Email us at

Cleveland Scene works for you, and your support is essential.

Our small but mighty local team works tirelessly to bring you high-quality, uncensored news and cultural coverage of Cleveland and beyond.

Unlike many newspapers, ours is free – and we'd like to keep it that way, because we believe, now more than ever, everyone deserves access to accurate, independent coverage of their community.

Whether it's a one-time acknowledgement of this article or an ongoing pledge, your support helps keep Cleveland's true free press free.

Read the Digital Print Issue

September 9, 2020

View more issues


Never miss a beat

Sign Up Now

Subscribe now to get the latest news delivered right to your inbox.


© 2020 Cleveland Scene: 737 Bolivar Rd., Suite 4100, Cleveland, OH 44115, (216) 241-7550
Logos and trademarks on this site are property of their respective owners.

Website powered by Foundation