Join the Cleveland Scene Press Club. Because No News is Bad News.

Monday, March 12, 2007

Douchebag Movie Review: 300

Posted By on Mon, Mar 12, 2007 at 2:59 PM

300 guys with memberships to Bally's -- er, I mean from Sparta -- take on some Greek guys so they don't steal their hot chicks.
Movie Reviews by the Douchebag Sitting Behind You Holy shit! This movie friggin' kicked ass! In fact, it seemed like the director actually sat down and wrote this movie with the Douchebag in mind. The gnarliest thing is that this shit actually happened! Back in the Ancient Greek times, the Persians, led by some 8-foot-tall, homo-looking dude, wanted to take over the Greek province of Sparta and turn all the Spartans' children and hot women into slaves. So the Spartan dudes are like 'fuck that!' and 300 of them go to take on the entire Persian army by themselves, which is, like, totally realistic. I knew this movie was going to kick ass as soon as they started doing all that Matrix shit that makes everyone look like ninjas. This movie should definitely be up for an MTV Movie Award for "Best Scene Where A Dude's Head Get's Sliced Off In Slow Motion." Yet to marvel just at the body count in 300 would be a shallow appreciation of a film with so much deeper gifts. Take, for instance, the scene at the party for the Persian God-King, where two Asian chicks make out for like 5 seconds. I haven't seen some shit that cool since my mom slapped the parental controls on my AOL. Bummer! — Jared Klaus For a non-Douchebag review...

We welcome readers to submit letters regarding articles and content in Cleveland Scene. Letters should be a minimum of 150 words, refer to content that has appeared on Cleveland Scene, and must include the writer's full name, address, and phone number for verification purposes. No attachments will be considered. Writers of letters selected for publication will be notified via email. Letters may be edited and shortened for space.

Email us at

Cleveland Scene works for you, and your support is essential.

Our small but mighty local team works tirelessly to bring you high-quality, uncensored news and cultural coverage of Cleveland and beyond.

Unlike many newspapers, ours is free – and we'd like to keep it that way, because we believe, now more than ever, everyone deserves access to accurate, independent coverage of their community.

Whether it's a one-time acknowledgement of this article or an ongoing pledge, your support helps keep Cleveland's true free press free.

Read the Digital Print Issue

September 23, 2020

View more issues


Never miss a beat

Sign Up Now

Subscribe now to get the latest news delivered right to your inbox.