Join the Cleveland Scene Press Club. Because No News is Bad News.

Tuesday, March 27, 2007

Further proof of the Chinese Master Race

Posted By on Tue, Mar 27, 2007 at 1:50 PM

While the departure-in-disgrace of Cuyahoga County Elections Board Director Michael Vu had brought conflict to our Asian stereotypes — he practiced Karate, yet was a complete moron — 18-year-old Yuan Yuan, a student at Western Reserve Academy, is intent on setting it straight. Yuan Yuan, who goes by "Stanley" when he's interfacing with the rest of us imbeciles, won this year's Siemens Award for stellar scores on his math and science tests. Yet for Asians, excelling on tests is so 1995. So Yuan Yuan is taking his Chinese-ness to new heights. According to an article in today's Plain Dealer, Yuan Yuan has patents pending on an earthquake-proof house and automatic navigation shoes to be used by blonde joggers or blind people. But he's still ironing out the details for a highway anti-collision system and a drive-through scheme for wholesale stores. By the time he's 25, he hopes to have every American man, woman, and child stuffing firecrackers for 25 cents an hour. Read your fortune cookie, honkies: It's Yuan Yuan's world. We're just the stupid crackers he allows to eat General Tso's Chicken. -- Jared Klaus

We welcome readers to submit letters regarding articles and content in Cleveland Scene. Letters should be a minimum of 150 words, refer to content that has appeared on Cleveland Scene, and must include the writer's full name, address, and phone number for verification purposes. No attachments will be considered. Writers of letters selected for publication will be notified via email. Letters may be edited and shortened for space.

Email us at news@clevescene.com.

Cleveland Scene works for you, and your support is essential.

Our small but mighty local team works tirelessly to bring you high-quality, uncensored news and cultural coverage of Cleveland and beyond.

Unlike many newspapers, ours is free – and we'd like to keep it that way, because we believe, now more than ever, everyone deserves access to accurate, independent coverage of their community.

Whether it's a one-time acknowledgement of this article or an ongoing pledge, your support helps keep Cleveland's true free press free.

Read the Digital Print Issue

September 23, 2020

View more issues

Newsletters

Never miss a beat

Sign Up Now

Subscribe now to get the latest news delivered right to your inbox.

Calendar