Join the Cleveland Scene Press Club. Because No News is Bad News.

Tuesday, May 8, 2007

Take the Brady Quinn Marathon Test

Posted By on Tue, May 8, 2007 at 4:02 PM

SportsTime Ohio, the Tribe’s TV network, announced today that it will conduct a free, week-long exam to determine just how big of a loser I am. The exam will take the form of a Brady Quinn Marathon. Starting tonight, the station will air all of Notre Dame University’s 2006 football games, allowing fans to break down the growth of Quinn’s pretty hair game by game. Tomorrow night is Notre Dame-Penn State, featuring Quinn vs. 230-year-old Joe Paterno. On Wednesday, the Irish will re-take on UCLA. Friday night’s telecast will apparently feature Notre Dame and something called Purdue, which I believe is a poultry processer that apparently has a football team. (Click here for full lineup.) By determining just how much already-televised college football games I can watch involving teams to which I have no allegiance, the marathon is expected to measure the extent of my loserness. If I watch less than three hours total, experts believe I still might be able to get a date sometime before my 40th birthday, if I’m willing to pay. Three to six hours of Brady Quinn Madness means I really should move back into Mom’s attic. If I watch more than two full games, it is believed that I will spend the rest of eternity in my nephew’s Legend of Zelda game, shining Link’s boots. Although the threshold for loserdom is different for every viewer, you too can determine how long it will be until you get laid again by tuning into the Brady Quinn Marathon! Good luck, and go Irish! – Joe P. Tone

We welcome readers to submit letters regarding articles and content in Cleveland Scene. Letters should be a minimum of 150 words, refer to content that has appeared on Cleveland Scene, and must include the writer's full name, address, and phone number for verification purposes. No attachments will be considered. Writers of letters selected for publication will be notified via email. Letters may be edited and shortened for space.

Email us at news@clevescene.com.

Cleveland Scene works for you, and your support is essential.

Our small but mighty local team works tirelessly to bring you high-quality, uncensored news and cultural coverage of Cleveland and beyond.

Unlike many newspapers, ours is free – and we'd like to keep it that way, because we believe, now more than ever, everyone deserves access to accurate, independent coverage of their community.

Whether it's a one-time acknowledgement of this article or an ongoing pledge, your support helps keep Cleveland's true free press free.

Read the Digital Print Issue

September 23, 2020

View more issues

Newsletters

Never miss a beat

Sign Up Now

Subscribe now to get the latest news delivered right to your inbox.

Calendar