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Friday, August 31, 2007

Romance and the Browns-Steelers Rivalry

Posted By on Fri, Aug 31, 2007 at 5:53 PM

It’s sort of disgusting, really. Like those ESPN ads showing a Michigan and an Ohio State fan cuddling on the couch, it’s just plain unnatural. So when the Steelers open against the Browns on September 9, couples with rival allegiances should be prepared to brave the fight. Last year, Maria, a 26-year-old ex-pat from Pittsburgh, and her then-boyfriend Jim, a hardcore Browns fan, made a deal. They’d watch the Steelers-Browns game at the same bar with her friends … but he’d show up head-to-toe in Browns gear and wouldn’t pretend to be happy if her team won. Everything seemed fine -- kind of -- until she checked her MySpace page later. He’d used Photoshop to paste a Browns jersey on an old picture. This was unacceptable. The two broke up soon after. On subsequent dates, Maria was sure to check future boyfriends one their loyalty to the Browns. Gina and Brad are two former Case students who also possess opposite loyalties. When the Steelers made the playoffs two years ago, Brad chivalrously agreed to watch the games with Gina at Panini’s on Coventry. He was cool when the bar brought in Yuengling, and even tolerated the excessive replaying of the song “The Steelers are going to the Super Bowl … here we go…” But when owners of the bar took down a Browns sign over the door and replaced it with ha large Steelers sign, it was just too much. He had to leave. Their relationship ended soon after. There is proof, however, that mixed couples can survive. Helen and Don Geiselman have been married 36 years. When the Strongsville couple first married, Helen forbade any Browns paraphernalia from the house. “To this day, there’s no orange and brown stuff in the house,” she says. “I won’t even allow orange on my little grandson. Thank God my husband’s first passion is golf.” Helen will still watch Browns games with her husband, but “only to see them lose.” It’s hard to watch the games with her in-laws, who are devoted Browns fans. Things get tense, but “we don’t, like, fist fight.” Asked if she had any advice for other mixed couples, she pauses. “I don’t know if they should marry.” – Rebecca Meiser

More Zany Capers from the East Cleveland PD

Posted By on Fri, Aug 31, 2007 at 5:40 PM

Last week East Cleveland cop Shawna Glaspy got five years’ probation – and we’re not making this up – for helping a man escape. When other officers arrived at HQ with a newly arrested man, Glaspy him as a family friend. She ran his background check with a false name, then snuck him the key to his handcuffs. After he left, she broadcast over the radio that he’d overpowered her and escaped. But the ruse backfired. When the man learned of Glaspy’s tale, he turned himself right back in and ratted her out. Unfortunately, it wasn’t Glaspy’s first run-in with the law. Two years ago she beat aggravated robbery charges after two kids claimed she threatened to arrest them if they didn’t pay her off. But at least Glaspy was a low-level dispatcher. In that wacky drama known as East Cleveland PD, the hi-jinks also runs to the high command. Last week, Mayor Eric Brewer suspended Police Chief Patricia Lane over $800 in confiscated drug money that went missing. He believes it was spent on Indians tickets. -- Jason Nedley

Dildos, Dolly Parton, and a Decent Cause: Gay folks sure know how to party.

Posted By on Fri, Aug 31, 2007 at 5:21 PM

The sign on the wall said it all: “There’s a fine line between art and porn.” And that bit of Einsteinly wisdom has netted $14,000 for the Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Trangender Community Center of Greater Cleveland from its annual Summer Party benefit last weekend. The $30-a-ticket blowout attracted 350 people, who bid on a silent auction of more than 100 donated items. On a table marked “For Your Naughty Bits,” Cleveland-based Ambiance lived up to its “store for lovers” motto by contributing four auction items -- including a $175 basket of vibrators, batteries, lubes, and condoms, and a $235 glass dildo. Porn purveyor Body Language chipped in five auction lots of erotica, including vintage posters, prints, and a glossy, $50 photo essay aptly titled Nice Ass by shutterbug David Aden Sprigle. Even Gale’s Westlake Garden Center got in on the filthfest by donating a $50 gift certificate labeled “Who You Callin’ a Hoe?” But the bidding frenzy hovered over anything autographed. There was the signed Become YouCD by the Indigo Girls. Lesbi-folkie Kate Clinton scribbled her name on a copy of her Making Light vinyl album. And Dolly Parton’s head shot drummed up a betting war between at least four bidders. Perhaps the description on the index card next to it created the stampede: “Dolly Parton is everyone’s favorite, female drag queen,” it read. Indeed. -- Cris Glaser

The Old Real World Move, Eh?: Chefs blame Cleveland portrayal on editing

Posted By on Fri, Aug 31, 2007 at 3:21 PM

Michael Ruhlman, backtracking in black and white.
Since the Travel Channel aired No Reservations: Cleveland on Monday, many locals have aired their discontent for the places that Anthony Bourdain did and didn't visit. Even Scene's own Jared Klaus had a few issues of his own, with which I'd have to concur. Skyline Chilli? WTF? However, Bourdain did make up for his Cincinnati-inspired grievance by visiting Hot Sauce Williams with Cleveland's culinary star, Mike Symon. But what most critical viewers have clearly forgotten is that television is little more than an art of omission. According to Michael Ruhlman's blog, there were many places Bourdain visited that were cut from the final edit, including the mysterious Velvet Tango Room. Ruhlman says that even Bourdain was pissed that the uber-exclusive bar didn't make it on tape. -- Denise Grollmus

Who Knew? Mayor Frank Jackson knows how to talk after all

Posted By on Fri, Aug 31, 2007 at 2:13 PM

He speaks!
Mayor Frank Jackson has a habit of keeping a low public profile. So low, in fact, that if it weren’t for his appearance on the occasional Tri-C billboard, we might have assumed he had gone into hiding soon after the November 2005 election. Which is why this week was so surprising. First, the Invisible Mayor appeared on Channel 5 on Monday, waxing poetic about how improved public schools can help lift a city out of poverty. (Since his continually worsening schools are helping drive this city further into poverty, Jackson is apparently considered an expert on this topic). Then, he gave a similar speech on 90.3 WCPN’s “The Sound of Ideas." That show was an hour long, and Jackson had to respond to listener comments. We feared the excessive socializing might cause him to spontaneously combust. He somehow survived. Of course, his arguments didn't exactly make sense. At one point, when discussing how the city and county spend millions of dollars on workforce development -- supposedly to get more people into higher payer jobs -- he had to admit that we aren't really getting much bang for our buck. How will he fix it? "What I have to do is what I do," he said. Which is interesting, because we've never really seen him do anything. "I change systems. I change bureaucracies and I change cultures...I make it work and work right." Hmm. Ok then. Anyway, add those media appearances to a handful of recent quotes and sound bites about our little crime and poverty problems, and it seems that Jackson’s been on a regular media blitz. You’d think he was running for office or something. -- Lisa Rab

Portia Surreal, the Topless DJ, Has Left The Building

Posted By on Fri, Aug 31, 2007 at 2:10 PM

If you didn't go see Portia Surreal -- the world's top-ranked erotica/fetish/cabaret/house DJ -- at the Velvet Dog on Thursday night, here's a taste of what you missed. Caution: This footage may contain boobies. Kicking yourself because you didn't know about it? Scene readers knew she was coming. Pick up a new edition every Wednesday at a bar, street corner, or draped over a homeless man near you. -- D.X. Ferris

Security takes the “Whiskey” out of Whiskey Island, Wendy Park

Posted By on Fri, Aug 31, 2007 at 1:59 PM

The night couldn’t have been more perfect on Whiskey Island on Thursday. As the sun melted like a floweret of butter into the calm Erie waters, a rec volleyball team called the Flailing Sand Fleas were being beaten into submission by a far superior foe, a team called Ballz. Lying on the cool grass, watching life go by, nothing could have tasted better than a cold beer. Unfortunately, for anyone who had brought brews to enjoy, a walking bicep with an ear-piece and a golf cart that said “Whiskey Island Security” had to come crash the party. “Excuse me sir,” he said to one man walking with a cooler. “You’re going to have to leave that at your car.” Later he walked up to a circle of attractive young ladies. “Girls, can I look inside your cooler?” Apparently, hot girls getting drunk and bouncing up and down in the sand together is a crime worth cracking down on. It turns out that you’re allowed to drink at Whiskey Island, but that you have to purchase your libations from park’s bar, the Sunset Grill. Allow C-Notes to be the first local alternative weekly blog to call bullshit on this one. It’s a public park, dammit, and you should be allowed to get publicly wasted however you choose. We’re pretty sure that argument has no grounding either in law or common sense, but, you know what, f*&K it! Let the people get wasted!* -- Jared Klaus *This blog has been brought to you by a lot of Holy Moses Ale and a fat-ass blunt.


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