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Monday, January 7, 2008

Feagler: Marc Dann is Part Woman

Posted By on Mon, Jan 7, 2008 at 10:06 AM

Today's topic: Attorney General Marc Dann, and his decision to attend a police officer’s funeral rather than tonight's BCS title game I was at the coffee shop, and the guys all agree: This Mark Dann has gone soft. Why, back in my day, men didn’t have grief. We had manly emotions, like anger, disappointment, and scurvy fever. And we didn’t cry like men do today, either. The only fluids our bodies secreted were blood, bile, and sweat by the bucketloads. And we didn’t sweat for no reason, either, like that jumbo hoopball star from the Miami team, Ving Rhames. We only filled our sweat buckets, which swung from ropes tethered to our shoulders, when we were doing things like building churches, hauling broken trains, and digging graves. And back in my day, we didn’t even have funerals. When you died, you still had to work. We’d set your body on a post in a field scaring crows, and pay your wife a plug nickel a month for the service. And if we didn’t have any extra posts, we’d hire your body out to a bar, to sit on a stool and make the place look more busy. And the bars weren’t like the bars today, with mechanical bulls and hippity-hop stars killing each other outside. In my day, we had real bulls in the bar, drinking bourbon with us. And when we got hungry, we took big bites out of their flanks, not like the swishy bar food you have today, your onion ding-a-lings and snickerdoodles and ... This has been another deep insight from Dick Feagler. We now return to our regularly scheduled programming...

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