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Monday, February 25, 2008

An animal lover’s guide to the Kucinich-Cimperman race

Posted By on Mon, Feb 25, 2008 at 5:32 AM

If you’re having a tough time deciding between Joe Cimperman or Dennis Kucinich in the heated 10th District congressional race, Guy Templeton Black is here for you. “I asked each camp for a hundred yard signs,” he explained at a Democratic straw-poll meeting in Tremont, where he was campaigning for a spot on the board of the Tremont West Development Corporation. Black and his rottweiler, Yogi Yoga Bear — who accompanies him to podiums when he makes campaign speeches — are a ubiquitous presence at Democratic events. A rabid animal-rights activist, Black hands out business cards warning against “speciesism” — the discrimination against non-human life forms… “He’s a character,” says Cimperman. “He’s the real story here.” But this campaign has stumped Black like none before. While the two front-runners have shown nothing but distaste for each other, he loves both equally — though he has qualms with both. “I grew up with Dennis in Tremont,” he says. “I love him, even though he’s not in the district when I need him. And Joe’s so wonderful — he was there for me when my mother passed away, helped pay for the funeral. And he gives big hugs, loves Yogi Bear. But he’s not there for you in everyday situations.” “I just couldn’t decide,” he says. “So you know that story about King Solomon? I’ll cut the baby in half.” Despite the most creative mangling of the Bible since Ol’ Dirty Bastard changed his name to Big Baby Jesus, in the voting booth, you can only choose one candidate. So what’s a supremely indecisive animal-lover to do? Easy: “I’ll let Yogi choose,” Black says mysteriously, nodding at his dog. Later, he changes his mind. “I’m going to vote for Dennis, but I’m going to write in, ‘I vote for Joe Cimperman also,’” he explains. “Technically, spiritually, I’m voting for Joe. But legally, I’m voting for Dennis.” – Gus Garcia Roberts

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