Join the Cleveland Scene Press Club. Because No News is Bad News.

Friday, April 25, 2008

North Royalton smoking ban: A totally irrational plea from a pissed-off smoker

Posted By on Fri, Apr 25, 2008 at 10:18 AM

Meet the next Jennie Finch.
Not pleased with the statewide smoking ban, the city of North Royalton, you might have heard, has decided to ban smoking on city-owned property, which includes public parks, parking lots, outdoor seating areas, and playing fields. Apparently the movement for such a ban gained momentum with a rash of smoking at Little League games, although the explanation from Mayor Robert Stefanik doesn’t make it clear whether it was the parents in the stands or the kids who were smoking, which would be pretty alarming, especially if they were unfiltered. ...
However: We smokers are a pretty lousy bunch, so I'll lay a theory on you: Your kid could do worse than being a baseball player that smokes. (Exhibit A: Roger Maris). I know a lot of people joke that when they have a son they’ll tie his right arm behind his back so he becomes a left-handed pitcher and, thus, a cash cow. (Exhibit B: Cliff Lee). I’m not opposed to this theory, but I'm telling you, you might also jack a Marlboro in his mouth, especially if you want to get him on the cover of Sports Illustrated. That’s beside the point though. The point is that I’m going to boycott the city of North Royalton out of principle and spite. Those city baseball fields were the same ones I played on when I was a youth, and the same ones I played drunken home run derby on the last couple of years at midnight after switching on the lights. I can burn through city tax dollars by turning on all the lights on the field -- tip: they don’t always lock the boxes -- but I can’t light up a smoke? -- Vince the Polack

We welcome readers to submit letters regarding articles and content in Cleveland Scene. Letters should be a minimum of 150 words, refer to content that has appeared on Cleveland Scene, and must include the writer's full name, address, and phone number for verification purposes. No attachments will be considered. Writers of letters selected for publication will be notified via email. Letters may be edited and shortened for space.

Email us at

Cleveland Scene works for you, and your support is essential.

Our small but mighty local team works tirelessly to bring you high-quality, uncensored news and cultural coverage of Cleveland and beyond.

Unlike many newspapers, ours is free – and we'd like to keep it that way, because we believe, now more than ever, everyone deserves access to accurate, independent coverage of their community.

Whether it's a one-time acknowledgement of this article or an ongoing pledge, your support helps keep Cleveland's true free press free.

Read the Digital Print Issue

September 9, 2020

View more issues


Never miss a beat

Sign Up Now

Subscribe now to get the latest news delivered right to your inbox.


© 2020 Cleveland Scene: 737 Bolivar Rd., Suite 4100, Cleveland, OH 44115, (216) 241-7550
Logos and trademarks on this site are property of their respective owners.

Website powered by Foundation