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Tuesday, May 6, 2008

Dick Feagler: What’s the big deal with this Rev. Wright?

Posted By on Tue, May 6, 2008 at 5:29 AM

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Today's topic: Dick thinks people shouldn’t be bagging on Barack Obama just because his preacher is a nut… I was at the coffee shop, and the guys all agree: This Rev. Wright is a fruitcake. A nutjob. His elevator don’t reach the top floor. So what’s the big deal? Back in day, everyone knew that preachers were weirdos. Why, if you didn’t want to get your hands dirty, wanting to hang around old ladies making pancake breakfastses instead, you got yourself a job as a preacher. It’s was a helluva lot easier than being a master mechanic, I’ll tell you that. The pay wasn’t so good, but you got a free house and some perch on Fridays. And you only had to work one day a week, unless you were visiting Grandma in the hospital… Why, back in my day, if you was to ever turn prancer enough to need spiritual direction, you drank it off at the bar so you’d stop thinking like a homo. Church was a place the missus dragged you on Sunday. You’d catch a few Zzzz’s before the Browns game. Maybe scope out the Widow Harris, whose husband got knocked off in bandsaw accident. Try to grub a few dollars from the collection plate when nobody was looking, seeing as how Jesus didn’t need the money as much as you. And the guys at the coffee shop all agree: In the 3,000 years we been going to church, not one of us ever listened to what the preacher said. He might have been talking space guys or Rock Hudson for all we knew. So if we found out 20 years later that he was molesting the shoeshine boy at Higbee’s, what’s that got to do with us? Just because you slept on some wooden bench while some mellonball yammered about Jesus don’t mean you had the guy over to help hang gutters or nothing like that. And don’t get me started on gutters these days. Back in my day, they were made of steel by decent Americans. These plastic gutters they have today… This has been another deep insight from Dick Feagler. We now return to our regularly scheduled programming...

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