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Thursday, May 27, 2010

Scene & Heard Is On Vacation Until June 1st

Posted By on Thu, May 27, 2010 at 4:49 PM

Safety first, kids.
  • Safety first, kids.

The merriment and wonder that is Scene & Heard will be on a brief hiatus until Tuesday, June 1.

In the meantime, always remember the grill doesn't need as much lighter fluid as you think it does, unless you like big flames, in which case just go ahead and douse the mothereffer and strike a match. Keep the kids back, though. Hospitals tend to be very busy on holiday weekends.

Have a beer or twenty, have a hot dog or two, and meet us back here next week. Hopefully with no third-degree burns.

Happy Memorial Day weekend, kids.


Afternoon Brew: Exploding Toilets, Dandelions, Some Reality Show, and Fire Bombs

Posted By on Thu, May 27, 2010 at 1:54 PM

This shits gonna explode.
  • This shit's gonna explode.

Good afternoon, Cleveland. Here's some stuff to read while you check for bombs in your toilet.

— A quartet of hilarious hoodlums planted a homemade bomb in a port-o-potty out in Huron. Go ahead and insert your own joke about poop and bombs here. (AP)

— This report says Crystal Bowersox finished second on American Idol last night. Who the hell is Crystal Bowersox? (

— PD reporter talks about why he lets dandelions grow by the thousands untouched in his yard. Not only does he sound like a nice guy, he makes a good case, both of which ruin Scene's plans for a cover story next month called: Lazy PD Reporter Won't Mow Lawn. (

— Someone shot a fire bomb at cops. Sucks, but I suppose it's better than a soy bomb. (WOIO)


It's Official: LeBron Leaving Akron

Posted By on Thu, May 27, 2010 at 1:18 PM

This LeBron could totally kick LeBrons ass.
  • This LeBron could totally kick LeBron's ass.

The fancy, misleading headline above and the corresponding picture here probably are good hints that we're not talking about LeBron James the basketball player.

In fact, we're talking about LeBron the jaguar, who is leaving the cozy confines of the Akron Zoo for a new home in Florida.

From the zoo's press release:

It is the moment everyone in Northeast Ohio has been waiting for, but not necessarily the news they were hoping for: LeBron is leaving Northeast Ohio. The biggest surprise may be his new home town. Chicago and New York were likely never considered. LeBron’s new home will be Melbourne, Florida. LeBron, the jaguar that was born at the Akron Zoo in 2009, will be leaving for the Brevard Zoo by mid-June. The Zoo will be hosting a LeBron Appreciation Day on June 5, 2010.

LeBron was the only male in a litter of three born at the Akron Zoo on March 3, 2009.

How cute.

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Drew Carey Talking To Cleveland City Council Today

Posted By on Thu, May 27, 2010 at 9:57 AM

The Indians wont save Cleveland, Drew.
  • The Indians won't save Cleveland, Drew.

This morning none other than Drew “Hollywood” Carey and his cohort from are sitting down with Cleveland City Council to present their libertarian schemes for how to save the city.

Carey and Nick Gillispie have been hard at work on a series of mini-documentaries entitled Reason Saves Cleveland with Drew Carey, sponsored by the free market gurus at the Reason Foundation.

The pair will sit down with council from between 10 — 11 a.m. After a 15-minute presentation, they’ll take questions about their not so subtle push for a privatized answer to our economic and social woes.

“Drew Carey cares about Cleveland,” Council President Martin J. Sweeney says in a press release “And so does Cleveland City Council. While we may not all agree with his ideas, Council and I welcome the opportunity to sit with Drew and the Reason Foundation for an unedited, unscripted and open dialog about this city and what can be done to help Cleveland.”

At least they’re trying . . . — Kyle Swenson

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Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Rep. Steve LaTourette Directs "Pinhead" and "Weenie" Comments At Fox News

Posted By on Wed, May 26, 2010 at 1:16 PM

The Latourette video, where he went after Fox News for a segment on a GOP-backed bill, is featured at the end of this segment on Keith Olbermann's show.

Visit for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy


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Morning Brew: Good Schools, Bad Fathers, Animal Abuse and Sexy Pictures

Posted By on Wed, May 26, 2010 at 9:55 AM

What to do when you run out of Benadryl.
  • What to do when you run out of Benadryl.

Good morning, Cleveland. Here's some stuff to peruse while you make sure your spouse isn't pouring Jameson into your toddler's sippy cup.

— Early nominee for Father of the Year: Guy gives 2-year-old stepdaughter enough booze that she registers a 0.25% BAC upon arriving at hospital. (KARE11)

— An animal rights group secretly videotaped some alleged abuse at a farm near Dayton. The video purports to show handlers beating and abusing cows with pitchforks and crowbars. No steak knifes were involved, however. (

— Three Cleveland schools, two of which are of the charter variety, were praised in a study of urban education in Ohio. (

— Finally, WEWS Channel 5 has news every man should be sharing with his wife or girlfriend: "Bedroom photos boost female confidence." See, honey, these nekkid photos are really for you, not me. (WEWS)


Tuesday, May 25, 2010

House Republicans' "America Speaking Out" Site Exactly the Cesspool of Ignorance and Hate You'd Expect

Posted By on Tue, May 25, 2010 at 3:39 PM

This, by the way, is classified under civil debate.
  • This, by the way, is classified under "civil debate."

House Republicans today announced and launched a fancy social network-y kind-of-forum-ish site,, to gather legislative input from common, everyday people online — always a wise decision.

They apparently figured that the most civil, stimulating, and intellectual debate happens in comment sections and online forums and wanted to not only jump on that train of creativity and decency, but officially host and promote it as well.

It's been active for less than one day, but you can guess the quality and type and volume of "suggestions" that have already been proposed. Think racism, with a tinge of xenophobia, wrapped in a garment that displays the American flag on one side and the Shroud of Turin on the other, all while riding in a Monster Truck that blares "God Bless America" 24/7.

There are some reasonable, sane comments in there as well, ones more representative of the thoughtful and rational Republican base, but the majority of comments so far read something like this example, which was filed under the "American Values" section:

"This is a Christian nation. We should have Christian leaders. The nation of Islam has declared war on America. Why are we putting their followers in the highest position of power?"

Shocking, I say, to find this bile and nonsense on the interwebs.

Explain, again, Mr. House GOP Leader from Ohio John Boehner, what the purpose of this was?

To prove that they really, really care what the American public has to say, Republicans in the House of Representatives unveiled a new social networking-type website today at that's designed to solicit legislative ideas from the public and host online debates over those ideas.

"It's clear that Washington has been doing what Washington thinks is best, not what's best for America," House GOP Leader John Boehner of Ohio said at a press conference to unveil the initiative. "The purpose of this project is to give the American people a megaphone to speak out, using the best technology available."

Participants on the site's discussions will have to provide information about themselves when they register that Republicans said would be used to "ensure a civil debate."

Thank John Boehner, next time you see him, for giving America this megaphone to spark civil debate and let our lawmakers hear our voices and demands, like this one, which appeared shortly after the site went live: "Teach Creationism in schools whenever Evolution is taught."

Another?: "When any one comes to this country they should go by our laws, learn our language, and not expect us to change our way of life. We were not the ones who moved. We do not and should not have our rights and our way of life changed, we would have to accept the laws and some of the ways if we move."

Megaphones for everyone!

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