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Thursday, March 10, 2011

Tweak of the Week: Family Night in Solon

Posted By on Thu, Mar 10, 2011 at 9:53 AM

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Family nights are universally hard to spoon down, but one Akron guy took inner circle drama to a whole new level, according to Solon Patch. This is one of those epic shitfaces that end with multiple trips to jail, assaults on family members, and high jumps off the second story porch. Buckle up and remember to call your mom about dinner at grandma’s next week.

Our protagonist on this bender is unnamed, so we can’t pull up his LinkedIn account and spill about his high profiling banking job or high school teaching gig. Damn. He remains in the shadows — which is probably a good thing considering the figure he cut on March 5. The evening began with a family get together in Solon. The individual in question got bombed by 8 p.m. and wanted to drive home. When the family protested, he got unruly, leading to an exchange where he slapped down on his mother’s leg. Not cool.

But the episode was only starting. Out in the driveway, the individual tried to drive away but got into a physical altercation with an uncle. The police were called, an arrest was made, and he was hauled off to jail, where he blew .214. He promised the cops he’d start a “(expletive) storm” in jail. That sounds like one of things you say when you’re drunk and then really regret when you read it online later.

The drunk was bonded out by 2 a.m., when he was dropped off back at the Solon scene of his previous tweak. Again, he tried to get his keys and drive away but was stopped by his grandfather. The police were called up again, and when they arrived, the individual jumped off a second story porch to evade arrest. Pursued on foot, he was eventually caught. At the station he got all bad ass with police, refused to comply with orders to sit down, and ended up eating concrete and being restrained in a chair. That seems about right for this guy.

This sounds like a pretty horrible ordeal all round for the people involved. Then again, maybe all those Solon nouveau richers are just thin skinned; this was like a regular Sunday night in Parma.

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