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Monday, April 15, 2013

Willowick Police Department Issues Friendly Boulder Warning

Posted By on Mon, Apr 15, 2013 at 12:40 PM


You’re probably familiar with the scenario: you’re driving by a McDonald’s, and because you’re a grown-ass self-respecting adult, you’re thinking, “Gee, look at all those sad slovenly putzes lined up at Mickey D’s’ rancid oil-drenched feeding trough. I can’t wait to get home to my Rachel Maddow and quinoa and broccoli rabe GAAAAH MCRIBS YES PLEASE JAYSUS,” before swerving unceremoniously into the drive-through. Usually the consequences aren’t too grim—maybe a little indigestion and several very fleeting moments of profound repentance.

Unless your car somehow gets caught on a couple pesky boulders and the Willowick Police Department cheekily broadcasts your snafu on Facebook, which is what happened to this unfortunate Ford Taurus owner outside a local McDonald’s on Sunday at something called “1835 hrs,” which is a movie starring James Franco that also features harrowing boulders! Here’s the blurb the catchy proverb wizards at the Willowick PD posted to their FB timeline, along with the photo:

4/14/13 @ 1835 hrs officers were called to respond to a one car accident, with no injuries, Lakeshore side of McDonald's. Residents please, take notice and beware, large boulders can jump out from anywhere.

TIMELESS. Somewhere in Willowick a grandma is immortalizing this gem in cross-stitch right as we speak. Uh, blog. Blogspeak?

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