Join the Cleveland Scene Press Club. Because No News is Bad News.

Thursday, May 4, 2017

'Jesus' Invaded Home, Prayed with Man, Stole Golf Cart, Asked to Fornicate with Police: This May Be Greatest Criminal Narrative of All Time

Posted By on Thu, May 4, 2017 at 9:56 AM

Down near Wooster, Ohio, a man identifying himself as Jesus was apprehended Tuesday night in a stolen golf cart.

According to Wayne County Captain Douglas Hunter, the man had invaded a home, discharged a fire extinguisher, laid down at the foot of the residents' bed and then prayed for a short time with the man of the house before exiting "into the darkness."

When picked up by local deputies, "Jesus" stated that he wanted to fornicate with the officers, but, per Hunter, "the officers just weren't interested in having that type of relationship with the man."

Please do enjoy Captain Hunter's two-minute narrative of the case. It's one of the greatest we've ever heard.

"This case should serve as a reminder," said Hunter, "to lock your doors, because you never know who might be wandering about and just might walk into your home... On the topic of Jesus certainly walking into the home of a stranger in the middle of the night: It's an excellent way to, perhaps, get to meet Jesus face-to-face."

Tags: , , , , ,

We welcome readers to submit letters regarding articles and content in Cleveland Scene. Letters should be a minimum of 150 words, refer to content that has appeared on Cleveland Scene, and must include the writer's full name, address, and phone number for verification purposes. No attachments will be considered. Writers of letters selected for publication will be notified via email. Letters may be edited and shortened for space.

Email us at

Cleveland Scene works for you, and your support is essential.

Our small but mighty local team works tirelessly to bring you high-quality, uncensored news and cultural coverage of Cleveland and beyond.

Unlike many newspapers, ours is free – and we'd like to keep it that way, because we believe, now more than ever, everyone deserves access to accurate, independent coverage of their community.

Whether it's a one-time acknowledgement of this article or an ongoing pledge, your support helps keep Cleveland's true free press free.

Read the Digital Print Issue

September 23, 2020

View more issues


Never miss a beat

Sign Up Now

Subscribe now to get the latest news delivered right to your inbox.