If Every Cleveland Suburb Was a Person at a Party, Here's What They Would Be Doing

Bay Village is on the phone to the cops cuz there’s what looks like a homeless man (Lindale) sleeping on the couch. Via cdtoad/Reddit Photo via City of Bay Village

Old Brooklyn is outside smoking a joint with half a bottle of whiskey lighting off fireworks until 4 a.m. Via FreeThinkk/Reddit Photo via Old Brooklyn/Facebook

Berea started drinking well before the party started, and is throwing darts in the garage, while alternating between beer and whiskey. Source: Berean Via fireeight/Reddit Photo via Wikimedia Commons Credit: Scene Archives

Independence is trying to get everyone to swing by Top Golf on the way back. Via highvolt/Reddit Photo via City of Independence

North Ridgeville was the guy that pulled up in a lifted truck or tractor to high school but now pulls up in an AMG because he sold his land to housing developers like Pulte. Via ItsGettingStrangeLou/Reddit Photo via Wikimedia Commons

Brook Park just drove in from a shitty dive bar, plastered and reeking of cigarettes. Via nick_flip/Reddit Photo via City of Brook Park

Brooklyn, Old Brooklyn, and Brooklyn Heights all show up at the same time. No one can tell them apart, but they all play along in conversation even if someone is wrong because they’re just happy for the attention. Via Beezo514/Reddit Photo via City of Brooklyn

Brunswick is showing off its new iPhone he bought with money that should be going to his ex wife for child support to anyone that will listen while also casually bringing up the fact that the bank approved him for a $400,000 house after he got his associates degree from Tri-C. Via CSBoey/Reddit Photo via City of Brunswick

Hudson shows up and keeps going on about Tucker Carlson and Greg Gutfield, Macedonia is the only one listening because they hope this means they’re friends. Via Beezo514/Reddit Photo via City of Hudson

Everyone forgot to invite Columbia Station. Via nick_flip/Reddit Photo via Wikimedia Commons/Kanilo2

Solon didn’t even go to the party. They are staying in because they have a test in the morning. Via lar44/Reddit Photo via City of Solon

Cuyahoga Heights just snorted some smashed pills they found in their parents medicine cabinet and is telling people where all the speed traps are along 77. Via hairymacandcheese23/Reddit Photo via City of Cuyahoga Heights

Referring to Lakewood as Cleveland. It’s a totally different place and not part of the city of Cleveland. Photo via Wikipedia

The party’s at North Royalton’s house and nobody but Strongsville and Broadview Heights can figure out which apartment complex it’s at. Via highvolt/Reddit Photo via City of North Royalton

No one notices Elyria, who is quietly looking through drawers. Via Just_a_Mr_Bill/Reddit Photo via City of Elyria Credit: Scene Archives

Euclid is sippin Patron out a double cup while rollin up weed staring out the window to the water with his homie Eastlake. Via Good-Basket-5592/Reddit Photo via City of Euclid

Gates Mills is enjoying a Cuban cigar and rare cognac on the porch…Pepper Pike is probably out there with them sipping on some kosher wine and complaining about the smoke. They’d rather be playing tennis or out at the country club. Via musickismagick and The-Cynicist/Reddit Photo via Cleveland Historical Society

Highland Hills showed up with an ankle bracelet. Via highvolt/Reddit Photo via City of Highland Hills

Amherst is over in a far corner talking to a very visibly depressed Lorain and telling them that, if they had this party back in high school, Lorain would be throwing it. Also, they weren’t really invited – Amherst just saw an invite on Sheffield’s desk and came anyway. Via Biscuitless/Reddit Photo via Wikimedia Commons/Chris Light

Hunting Valley sent Chesterland to collect cover charges. Via highvolt/Reddit Photo via City of Hunting Valley

Parma Heights is having an awkward conversation with Independence, who is ashamed that they were seen by Parma Heights leaving a dispensary despite previously protesting marijuana legalization. Via Beezo514/Reddit Photo via City of Parma Heights

Linndale is the CI waiting to call it in. Via Briiii216/Reddit Photo via Wikimedia Commons

Mayfield is having a good time socializing, bitching about work. They are drinking responsibly because they have to drive home and have kids to deal with in the morning. But everyone keeps wondering about Mayfield’s clothing choices. Via Lazarous86/Reddit Photo via Mayfield Village

Rocky River is like “let’s go to Punch Bowl” wearing vegan leather leggings and adding Cardi B music to everything. Via krvstn/Reddit Photo via City of Rocky River

Pepper Pike and Moreland Hills looked around, grabbed racquets from the trunks of their Audis, and headed for the tennis court. Via KateTheGr3at/Reddit Photo via City of Moreland Hills

Downtown is saying to everyone “this party is awesome , why don’t we do this more often?!” because downtown only sees people once a month. Rest of the party says “yeah man, this is fun!” but thinks Downtown is kind of a pain to deal with. Via Magnumjoe81/Reddit Photo via Scene Archives Credit: Scene Archives

Rocky River is standing in the middle of a doorway and scoffing at everyone that says “excuse me”. Via turkey_ghost/Reddit Photo via City of Rocky River

North Ridgeville is trying to hitch a ride with North Olmsted to save some money. Via highvolt/Reddit Photo via Porco Lounge & Tiki Bar/Facebook

Chardon couldn’t make it because they’re buried under 18 feet of snow that fell last night. Via Raccoon_Full_of_Cum/Reddit Photo via City of Chadon

Ohio City is drinking ultra bougie craft beer in the corner while complaining the food isn’t locally sourced. Via AWildGumihoAppears/Reddit Photo via Scene Archives

Avon Lake is wondering why there are black people at the party but secretly hoping they have weed they can hit. Via chicken_licker19/Reddit Photo via City of Avon Lake

Mentor showed up with snacks, thinks they’re partying hard, but in reality is drunk off a wine cooler. Via cypress1215/Reddit Photo via City of Mentor

Chagrin Falls didn’t show up…..because they never leave Chagrin Falls. Via Bob_Stewer/Reddit Photo via City of Chagrin Falls

Parma is the one telling low-key racist jokes but it’s ok because they have a black friend. Via Bassrusher/Reddit Photo via Scene Archives

Rocky River showed up with an expensive bottle of wine and won’t stop referring to themselves as a “self taught sommelier”, yet won’t open the wine to share with anyone. Via Beezo514/Reddit Photo via City of Rocky River

Seven Hills is by far the oldest person in the room and is looking for their car keys. Via Zosopagedadgad/Reddit Photo via City of Seven Hills

Brecksville is judging everyone’s outfits and charging a cleaning tax to anyone who spills a drink. Via scientooligist/Reddit Photo via City of Brecksville

Newburgh Heights is stealing change that they see on the table. Via WalterWhite90/Reddit Photo via City of Newburgh Heights

Cleveland Heights can’t seem to find the highway. Via highvolt/Reddit Photo via City of Cleveland Heights

Shaker Heights is busy explaining why having sidewalks is worth paying the highest tax rate in the state and no one is listening. Via thegreat88/Reddit Photo via City of Shaker Heights

Avon just arrived with a bottle of wine, telling everyone it’s “about to be lit” while simultaneously making everyone look at pictures of Brayden and Alexis and letting everyone know that they have to go call the babysitter to check in. Via Bloomin_a_darkroom/Reddit Photo via Scene Archives

Shaker Heights and Orange are both busy trying to hit on Beachwood while Beachwood is angrily texting about Aurora being there even though we all know they’re going to hook up once everyone gets drunk. Via AWildGumihoAppears/Reddit Photo via City of Beachwood

South Euclid and Lyndhurst are getting high with some girls who might still be in high school. Via ventnorphan/Reddit Photo via City of South Euclid

Strongsville still thinks West 25th is downtown proper and wants to go to TownHall. Via krvstn/Reddit Photo via City of Strongsville

“Oh snap, Akron just flipped a car over and lit it on fire!” Via Szyx/Reddit Photo via Scene Archives

Westlake is Strongsville’s fiance, who got dragged there so that he could see his old college buddies. They showed up with a bottle of pinot noir and sauvignon blanc, and they’re both nervously shuffling, wondering when it’s polite to leave. Via fireeight/Reddit Photo via City of Westlake

Brecksville is judging everyone’s outfits and charging a cleaning tax to anyone who spills a drink. Via highvolt/Reddit Photo via City of Brecksville

Lakewood took too much acid and is now having an identity crisis…Sounds like Lakewood and Willoughby are very good friends. But Willoughby took some molly as well, and wants to fuck. Via Correct_Coconut1292 and GamerHackTV/Reddit Photo via City of Lakewood